When We Met
by amoredjenaue
Summary: She was just a girl. He was just a guy. An unexpected connection in an expected life. Until life threw them the unexpected. Maybe it wasn't just for another lifetime. Maybe it was for this lifetime. Short chapters. Older Bella. Outdoorsy Edward. *COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1

This will be the only author's note. But this is a little something that struck me like a freight train lately. I'm not gonna lie, it's a bit angsty and heavy. But since it's in short chapters, hopefully you won't wallow in it too much.

Yes I am working on the epilogue for The Last Mission, but I have been having a very hard time saying good-bye to Bourneward and MetBella, so I apologize. It's about half done, but getting there.

In the meantime, I'm trying something new. This is drabblish, all Bella's point of view (with just a few minor exceptions) and the entire thing is written. Like I said—freight train. It's a slow burn. Rate M for later.

I'll post as I feel it, but I hope you like it.

~AMJ

**Standard warning: Twilight is not mine, no infringement intended.**

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 1**

***&^%$#**

_When we met…_

I had a perfect life.

At least by most people's standards.

I was a middle class girl who had done all the right things: went to school and later graduate school, married my college sweetheart, had two boys, a new house and lots of friends. I'd worked hard, but never too hard. I didn't have the obstacles that many people had. Maybe I was even a bit spoiled. I never went without. I had to save money and budget and plan, but now I had all of those things that everyone dreamed of.

Vacations, cars, a new home, a disposable income, great friends, good family and even after all our years together, I still loved him like I did the first time I said it as a teenager. He was funny, charming, such a good father and supported me in everything I did.

I was lucky.

When we met, I had a perfect life….

***&^%$#**


	2. Chapter 2

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 2**

***&^%$#**

_When we met…_

I was on a girls' weekend and you were at a bachelor party.

But you stood out because…you were wearing a wolf shirt.

A _wolf_ shirt. Like a shirt with a wolf on it.

In Las Vegas.

I thought it was hilarious and awesome. Because a wolf shirt at a club in Las Vegas?

I was dressed up, girls weekend style, short romper and hot pink lipstick. I was dancing and carefree as only one can be when thousands of miles from her life. Not a mother, or a wife, or a businesswoman or a perfectionist daughter.

Just me.

And I thought you were so, _so_ cute. And funny. And chill.

Everything I'm not.

And much younger than me….

***&^%$#**


	3. Chapter 3

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 3**

***&^%$#**

_When we met…_

I was immediately intrigued by the wolf shirt, but I quickly learned that was just you.

You were also hot, dangerously hot. Yoga instructor, surfer, skier, outdoorsman hot.

You epitomized the persona that you projected. Though you were totally cool and down to earth as well.

There was a part of me that was envious of you. You were relaxed, ready to take on the world, to travel and explore without a care. You only worked half the year and had the luxury to do so.

I lived a nine to five, time-crunched life.

Wake up.

Workout.

Get kids ready.

Get myself ready.

School drop-off.

Work. Work. Work.

Pick up.

Dinner.

Bathtime.

Bedtime.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

But not you. You were so free.

So much different from me, when we met….

***&^%$#**


	4. Chapter 4

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 4**

***&^%$#**

_When we met…_

The bachelor party was with all of your college friends, but you were completely different than the rest of them.

They were my normal type: distinguished—the bachelor was wearing a suit—preppy even, short hair, shaved or short groomed beards, collared shirts etc.

But not you.

You had on that wolf shirt, your hair in a ponytail and sporting a full beard, jeans and Teva sandals. You were laid back and cheerful, if not even a little quiet. They were a little uptight, other than one friend. The two of you talked to us for most of the night. Though you didn't say much at first, you laughed at my jokes and my teasing.

We were just out having a good time.

I started calling you Wolfman.

You kissed me on the cheek.

I thought you were charming.

I never thought I'd see you again.

Until we met again the second night….

***&^%$#**


	5. Chapter 5

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 5**

***&^%$#**

_When we met…_

The second night, your friend had been texting my friend. He came to meet us and we were drinking at a different bar.

I had done an edible that day and was feeling the after effects, giggly and girlish, like a college newbie once again.

Your friend said you liked me and I was excited at the thought. All the while knowing it wouldn't,_ couldn't_, go anywhere.

But we could flirt a little bit.

You finally came to join us and you laughed at my antics.

Your hair was down that night and you had on an 80's movie t-shirt.

And the Teva sandals.

You asked for my number so we could meet up later.

I asked your real name.

Edward.

Then you left to rejoin the bachelor party.

But you texted me five minutes later and said, "but put me in your phone as Wolfman…"

***&^%$#**


	6. Chapter 6

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 6**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

The second night, the second time, you wanted us to join you at the club upstairs.

I said okay, knowing we could dance, maybe talk and it would be fun. But that was it.

We danced. I _danced._

You laughed at how expressive and unrestrained I was as we twirled to EDM* and asked how I became such a good dancer.

I shrugged and told you a ridiculous, but true, story about how when I was younger I would use my brother's stereo and dance when no one was home.

You don't drink normally, but you bought a beer and bought me a vodka.

We decided to go back downstairs and sit on a couch in the bar.

We talked and traded stories and laughed. You had the most infectious smile.

I was still high on life, literally and figuratively, and reveling in my last night in Vegas.

You told me about your parents, your life, and how you were off for six weeks after the bachelor party, hiking Utah and then up to Portland and San Francisco before you went home.

We chatted about yoga and concerts, bands and religion, places we'd traveled, and things we wanted to do.

We had nothing in common, yet everything in common.

And you asked if there was a line*.

I said yes. I had a husband and I could never do that.

And you said "okay", with a smile and a shrug, content in our night of flirting. "But I still want to walk you home…"

***&^%$#**

EDM= Electronic Dance Music (club music)

*Line= line in the sand that she won't cross


	7. Chapter 7

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 7**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I said "okay" but I had to find my friend at the bar. She snickered when I told her and we started off.

We continued to chat and she stayed back, giving us distance and watching the other late-night party goers make their way home.

It was eerily quiet and somewhat serene for the Strip.

But soon, we arrived at my hotel and it had to end.

Both seemingly content with our good-bye.

You asked for a kiss.

At first I paused.

Then I brushed my lips to yours briefly and turned for my room with one final wave.

No lines were crossed, not in_ that_ way anyway, when we met…

***&^%$#**


	8. Chapter 8

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 8**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

At our hotel lobby, the three of us giggled and laughed all the way in. My friend took a video of me dancing in the hallway, absolutely free and jovial as can be.

I sent it to you.

"So Beautiful." You responded.

You sent me a picture of you sleeping and I sent you one of me with no make-up and a small smile on my face.

Nothing scandalous or untoward.

Just free and happy.

Because I was.

I was so, so happy when we met.

Then the next day I left, thinking I would file it away as a fun memory from my trip.

Just a girl who was still beautiful. A beautiful happy girl.

Not a woman who would have to deal with so much after the night when we met…

***&^%$#**


	9. Chapter 9

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 9**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

My life was in order. I came back to the grind of my predictable, albeit relatively perfect, life.

But I followed you on social media and I knew you were following me.

I thought of you when I ran, or did yoga, or reminisced about Vegas.

I watched you hike Zion and Moab, and meet friends on your trip.

I posted less about my kids and more of just me.

Maybe it was because of you. Maybe it wasn't.

You were eight years younger than me, with a full life to live.

I had a full life already and was incredibly busy with it.

Sometimes I'd think of an alternate universe, one where we met at a younger age.

But then that wouldn't have worked would it?

Because you wouldn't have been you and I wouldn't have been me…when we met…

***&^%$#**


	10. Chapter 10

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 10**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I was on vacation and uninhibited. But my daily life came back as it always did.

And then it didn't.

It was a Tuesday, a completely nondescript yet gorgeous spring day.

My family and I had just moved into or new house, our dream home that we'd built. We had only lived there for two months. It was the house I told you about, how excited I had been to plan it.

But on that Tuesday I was out of town for work.

My husband and kids were on the interstate heading downtown for work and daycare just like any normal Tuesday.

But the sun was coming up over the horizon as the commuters made their way East.

And the Semi-Truck behind them couldn't see because of the glare.

My whole life shattered in the blink of an eye…

***&^%$#**


	11. Chapter 11

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 11**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I was confident and outgoing. I had everything going for me and I knew it.

But suddenly, that person no longer existed.

I buried my family.

My husband, the love of my life.

My children, innocent and sweet with their entire future ahead of them.

I took time off from work, but I couldn't talk to anyone.

I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep.

I lost weight.

I cried, I screamed "why me" every night into my pillow.

The fun-loving, confident woman you met was gone. I was a skeleton, an empty shell of a person.

I'd sit alone in that new house, staring out the window.

Maybe I was lucky because I'd had it so good for so long.

Maybe it was my fault because I didn't appreciate them enough or more.

Maybe I didn't deserve that life and that's why it was taken away from me.

I was no longer the person I was when we met….

***&^%$#**


	12. Chapter 12

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 12**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I told you about building the dream home and how it would be my "last" house.

You said you could tell I loved planning it and would want to build again.

But as weeks and months turned from summer to winter and to spring again, I couldn't stand to be there.

I wanted out of that house.

So maybe you were right that it wouldn't be my last house.

But not for the reasons you thought.

I sold it and moved to a condo downtown.

The dream house was no longer a dream. It was just a reminder of everything I'd lost. It was nothing, a house, not a person, not a living breathing thing.

***&^%$#**


	13. Chapter 13

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 13**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I was alive. I was vibrant and contagious.

You called me stunning.

But I didn't feel stunning anymore.

I felt paralyzed, yet moved through the motions of my days. I worked, I ran, I went to yoga, I met friends who plied me out of the house for drinks or dinner. I went on a few dates, but I could never connect.

None of them were him; none of them were my husband.

Everyone looked at me with pity and sadness in their eyes.

That poor woman, she lost _everything_.

I'd come home and cry myself to sleep. I put my hand over my now flat stomach, where my babies had once been. Finally in the midst of the night I would fade away.

I tried to pull myself from the depths.

I had a great life still, compared to most people. Family and friends were there for me whenever I needed them. I had more money than I needed because of the life insurance policies procured many years earlier.

I was a businesswoman; I had to keep moving forward—at least on the outside.

But on the inside…on the inside I was empty.

Then one day I woke up and I realized it was the anniversary of the night when we met…

***&^%$#**


	14. Chapter 14

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 14**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I had never told anyone this, but I was terrified of dying. I had lost friends and loved ones, but it had never hit home until that fateful day in May.

I'd just always had difficulty coming to terms with it.

The end.

Whatever that meant.

After their deaths, my friends and family had me on suicide watch for a month.

But I couldn't tell them they shouldn't have to worry.

I couldn't tell them anything.

Instead, as I looked at the date on the calendar and realized what had happened in the last year.

Something hit me.

It hit me hard.

I was no longer afraid of dying.

I was no longer afraid of what could happen, because the worst _had_ happened.

I was afraid of not living…

***&^%$#**


	15. Chapter 15

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 15**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I told you I hadn't been to the Pacific Northwest and you said that was a shame.

It took me all of two days to put in for a leave of absence.

I was going to take the rest of the spring and summer and do all of the things I wanted to do.

Because life was short.

I knew that.

I didn't set out to find myself.

I just set out to get away.

Maybe it was to heal.

Maybe it was to find a new beginning.

Maybe it was to find you.

But it certainly wasn't a conscious decision. Just like I didn't set out to find the connection we had.

My friends and family didn't understand, but I had to leave.

I wasn't looking for anything on the night when we met, and I wasn't looking for anything on the day that I left...

***&^%$#**


	16. Chapter 16

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 16**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You told me you lived on the north side of the Hamptons. You called it the quiet side where there are vineyards and old strolling towns.

But I didn't set out for the Hamptons. I set out for the West.

I drove to Seattle, stopping at the Black Hills of South Dakota for my first time since I was a child.

I took in Old Faithful and the Grand Tetons in Wyoming.

The Rocky Mountains of Montana.

I reveled in the small town feeling of Boise and the crisp blue water in Coeur d'Alene.

I sampled wines in Spokane and went white water rafting.

I lived. Sometimes two or three days in a spot and sometimes I'd pass on through in half.

Seattle was amazing and I spent a week doing all the touristy stuff and the not so touristy things.

Some mornings I'd sit by the water and sip my coffee and think of my babies and of him.

Then I'd move on to the next thing.

Because I had to.

The next thing was Portland and I remembered it from the night we met…

***&^%$#**


	17. Chapter 17

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 17**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

"What's in Portland?" I asked.

You shrugged. "Just friends." Then you smiled that secret smile that I knew you had, though I'd only known you for minutes.

"I want to go to Portland. I've never been." I sighed.

"You should, it's amazing. The biking is fantastic and I'm going to hike by the Gorge."

"That sounds amazing, I love hiking."

"Yeah?" You asked, surprised, but with a twinkle in your eye.

"Yeah, we don't have many mountains where I'm from." I joked. "But when I retire, I'm moving somewhere that I can hike every day."

"You should." You smiled and then looked at my lips…

***&^%$#**


	18. Chapter 18

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 18**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I imagined taking that trip with you, if only for a brief second.

I never truly fantasized or thought of that, but maybe for a second.

I had a life, a great one; I wouldn't give up for a fling.

But it was fun to think of it nonetheless.

As I stared down at the Gorge, watching the water rustle and crash against the sides, I breathed in deeply.

It _was_ amazing. It was breathtaking.

I let myself wonder for a new brief second: what were you doing now? Were you on another trip?

You seemed to have been everywhere when we met.

South America, Europe, India, Hawaii, and all over the U.S.

I was envious of your adventurous life and yet here I was, somewhat living it…

***&^%$#**


	19. Chapter 19

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 19**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I said I wanted to see Utah.

And I did.

Zion was indescribable. The Grand Canyon the same.

After traveling west, I headed south, but California and Arizona didn't hold that much appeal for me. I steered clear of Las Vegas.

The day of the anniversary of the accident came and I buried myself in a bottle of vodka somewhere in New Mexico.

Then I packed up and continued my trip. Leaving my tears and the bottle and the shabby hotel room behind.

I made it across the U.S. in two weeks, stopping for a day or two as I went.

San Antonio, Austin, New Orleans, Biloxi, up to Memphis and Nashville and back down again.

Then I found myself in Savannah and Hilton Head and worked my way up the coast.

I hit Charleston for a few days and then on to the outer banks of North Carolina. I lingered there for a couple weeks, enjoying the calm lifestyle that the beach towns could bring.

I stopped in D.C. to see a friend and then Philadelphia for the history before I went to New York City.

I was in the City for two days, taking in the sites, shopping on 5th Avenue, reveling in the anonymity that the hustle and bustle provided.

But after that first day, I was being pulled in a different direction.

A direction we talked about on the night when we met…

***&^%$#**


	20. Chapter 20

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 20**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I had never been to the Hamptons.

But I packed up my car yet again and checked out of my room overlooking Central Park.

A short google search found you. A tank of gas did the rest.

As I passed the vineyards and the organic farms that you told me about, I became anxious.

I pulled up to the bed and breakfast in Southold and stared at the navy blue siding. It was mid-July, the season in full swing; thus I was surprised I was able to get the room at the B&B.

But they'd had a cancellation and I had the room for four weeks.

Still I couldn't shake off the butterflies.

_What was I doing here? _

_There was no way you remembered the night when we met… _

***&^%$#**


	21. Chapter 21

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 21**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I wondered what your hometown might look like. Obviously much different than mine.

I spent the rest of the day taking in the quaint shops and stores. I rambled along the streets, getting ice cream and finally finding a spot at a public beach.

I looked out over the water at the Peconic River and breathed in the warm summer air.

My mind drifted as it often did.

I wasn't free from my demons, but I had been feeling more settled during my unsettled travels.

I was finally seeing the country the way I had always wanted to see it.

Yet, I had flung myself into a position that made me anxious yet again.

So I pulled out my hemp vape pen that got me through most days.

I'd bought the first one on the night when we met…

***&^%$#**

*****A hemp vape is not marijuana, it's just a natural oil.


	22. Chapter 22

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 22**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

The second night.

"Wow, you _are _high aren't you?" You smiled at me secretly.

I giggled because, _seriously_, I'd turned into that girl that night.

I was sure it was because _you_ knew this feeling all too well. I'd put two and two together on why you didn't drink and because you just shrugged at my ridiculousness.

"This isn't a normal thing for me." I responded.

You smiled wider.

Then I pulled out the vape that I bought, excited to show you because I thought you'd appreciate it.

"I got this too." Your eyes light up as I held it up. "It's for anxiety. I get anxious sometimes." I shrugged. "But I tried it tonight too and I really like it."

I took a pull from the device, letting the lemon flavor swirl around my lungs.

"Want to try it?" I offered.

You smirked and took a hit.

"That's good."

"Yeah." I said, the relaxation setting in. "I could get used to this."

"Me too." You whispered, thinking I couldn't hear you…

***&^%$#**


	23. Chapter 23

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 23**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You joked that I was _all in_ now. That I would never go back. I had to admit you were somewhat right. I'd been able to score a few more after the accident. It was the one way I was able to get through most days, the calming affect that the few hits of the vape provided me each morning.

As I took another inhale and breathed it out, I felt the same at that moment. That freeing, relaxing vibe settling into my bones. My anxiety had only worsened after the accident, but I didn't want medication.

I tossed it back in my purse and tossed my trash as well.

As I stood up and watched a boat cut across the water with a wakeboarder on the back, my heart skipped a bit.

The man had long dark hair and was tan from the summer.

It wasn't you. But it reminded me of how close I was to you now and _then_.

I could feel your arms under my fingertips and your body against my back. I closed my eyes and felt that movement. Like the wakeboarder on the water, my heart stuttered and jumped as it did when we danced on the night when we met…

***&^%$#**


	24. Chapter 24

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 24**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You told me you owned a charter boat company and did water sports rentals.

Still, I wasn't quite sure how I would contact you, or if I even would.

Maybe I just wanted to be near you, to have traveled the country to arrive at a place like you did.

But life had other plans, as it often did.

I didn't have to go to your company or show up for a lesson or a rental.

Instead, I was at dinner, in a fun little pub in Southold.

It was a Friday night, the place teeming with all the city dwellers out for the weekend.

But I could tell you were right, this place wasn't pretentious. It wasn't the Hamptons I had seen on TV.

You walked in with friends, a blonde and two other men, and sat at a table half way down the place from me.

I could see you, but I didn't stare or linger. I ate my dinner in my booth and sipped the summer ale brewed by the pub itself.

I just enjoyed the hum of the restaurant and smiled when I heard you all laugh.

Pulling out my journal after I ordered another beer, I didn't have a plan.

So I sat, and wrote and made notes and dog ears.

It was nothing, just small writings and poems from my travels.

Then you walked by and I glanced up and smiled before turning back down.

You smiled back.

I heard your feet falter, but you continued to the bathroom.

It was fleeting, but impactful. Just like the night when we met…

***&^%$#**


	25. Chapter 25

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 25**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I had noticed you first. At least I think I did. Though you'd say you saw me come in.

This time, I could feel you as you approached from the back.

My hair was over my shoulder as I jotted words on the page.

"Bella."

I looked up.

"Hi."

"What are you…what are you doing here?"

I shrugged, not really knowing what to say.

"Having dinner." I smiled as I set my pen down and pulled the journal close to me.

My anxiety was back, but for entirely different reasons.

Your proximity had me breathless. So much different than when we met…

***&^%$#**


	26. Chapter 26

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 26**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…again, your green eyes searched mine.

You still had the beard. You still had the long hair.

You still wore a t-shirt, but with Sperry's and a pair of fitted shorts.

Yet that time, you weren't quite so nonchalant.

You ran your hand through your hair and then motioned to the seat across from me.

I nodded and leaned back. My eyes danced across your tanned face. Your muscled arms crossed over your chest as you stared back at me.

"How are you?" I finally said.

"I'm good…I'm just…this is really unexpected." You blew out a breath and glanced around only to look back at me.

The gaze that met mine was piercing and I was a little taken aback.

"Are you on vacation?" You finally asked.

"Yeah." I said quietly, shifting in my seat. "Sort of."

"With your family?" You looked around again and I closed my eyes before you could look at me again.

But the pause was inflated and the knot in my chest constricted like a vice.

When I opened them, I knew that _you _knew something was different from when we met…

***&^%$#**


	27. Chapter 27

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 27**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I told you about taking my kids hiking for the first time and that my youngest loved riding in the pack on my back.

You said you had all the packs, but that was the one you didn't have yet.

But you couldn't wait to get it.

I joked with my friends that a man who said that was infinitely more attractive.

As I stared at you, I felt like you could see right through me.

That you just knew; that you could sense, that the need for that pack was gone and maybe other things as well.

You stared at my empty left hand.

I closed my eyes again.

Could you see how hallow I was?

Could you see the pain in my eyes and the hollowness of my cheeks?

I reopened them and your demeanor had changed, no longer skeptical or surprised.

Just sad.

"What happened?" You finally whispered…

***&^%$#**


	28. Chapter 28

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 28**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

The next time, it was so completely different.

I sighed and composed myself. It never got any easier, but maybe that's because I avoided talking to anyone about it.

"They're gone."

You swallowed and I could tell you didn't know what to say.

_It's okay_, I wanted to say, no one knows what to say.

No one should have to know what to say.

We sat in silence for a moment before you leaned forward and clasped your hands together. They twitched and turned like you wanted to do something with them, but I couldn't tell what.

"And you're here because…?" You asked.

I could tell you were completely befuddled by my presence.

But I didn't take that as a bad thing.

I shrugged. "I'm just traveling…everywhere. You made it sound nice, so I decided to come here."

Your green eyes bore into mine and we both took a deep breath…

***&^%$#**


	29. Chapter 29

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 29**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I told you I envied your ability to take months off at a time. That my life didn't allow for something like that.

That's why I wasn't surprised by your next question.

"So you're traveling now?" You asked, finding some of that common ground that was so easy for us when we first met.

"Yes…I took some time off. I've been off since…"

_How forward should I be about this? _

"I've been off since April." I continue, but don't state exactly when.

"Wow, three months. How did you manage that?"

I shrugged again, not sure what to say. I had money that I didn't want to have.

My mind instantly went to that abyss.

Such a terrible, spoiled, perfect life that I had.

A tear rolled down my cheek from the thought.

Before I could stop it, those twitching hands of yours reached up to wipe it away…

***&^%$#**


	30. Chapter 30

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 30**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

We didn't touch much. I was careful about that. I had lines I didn't want to cross.

But that time, I paused as I felt your fingers on my cheek.

Something sparked in me that I never thought I would feel again.

Or maybe it was something that I never had.

I shouldn't have felt that way.

I shouldn't have been there, interrupting your life with my blackness.

But your fingers and your eyes were confirming what I was feeling all those months before.

There was something that I found in you that I couldn't describe, beyond being cool, and hot and easy to talk to.

There was a connection when we met…

***&^%$#**


	31. Chapter 31

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 31**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Your friends started to get impatient. I could tell they were wondering where you went. Your back was to them in the booth but they could see me.

They could see me all too well and surely they were wondering: "What is he doing with her?"

It was a fear that I'd had ever since I arrived in the Hamptons.

Because I didn't know you and you didn't know me.

I glanced at them and then back to you. Then you looked over your shoulder as if to say "just a minute."

But you said something then, to let me know.

You remembered the night we met too.

"Meet me for yoga in the morning?" You asked.

"Okay." I smiled.

You gave me the name of the studio. Not asking where I was staying or if it was close. Somehow you knew it would be near me.

With that, you got up and walked back to your friends.

I downed the rest of my beer and let the burn settle in my gut from our interaction, though it wasn't a bad burn. Not bad at all.

You paid your tab and got up to leave.

But right before you stepped out the door, you gave me a small wave.

And I returned it, just as I did the last time we'd said good-bye…

***&^%$#**


	32. Chapter 32

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 32**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…at the studio, I almost wondered if you did know where I was staying.

It was half a block down from the B&B I was at.

I arrived early. Nervous, yet not.

Yoga had become a refuge for me. A place to challenge my body and my mind. To release tension and fear.

And to escape.

After signing the waiver and filling my water, I stepped in to find a spot.

It was early, but you were already there.

Somehow I knew you would be.

The heat was welcome, even though it was summer, and I walked in to place my mat.

I looked for yours and then I realized where you were standing.

You were teaching the class.

I chuckled to myself, knowing that I should have known that.

"Hi." You smiled.

I'm usually a back row-er, but I placed my mat just to the side and behind yours.

"Hi."

"Sleep well?" That small smirk had returned, the one I remembered.

I shrugged, because apparently that's how I communicated then.

I wasn't the boisterous, outgoing, and fun girl I was when we met…

***&^%$#**


	33. Chapter 33

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 33**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You told me you did yoga every day.

Boy, I really should have believed you about that.

You kicked my ass in the class. I was a sweating, pulsing, hot, mess by the end.

But I knew it wasn't entirely from the class.

You could do things that I could never do.

Handstands and Hurdlers as though you had done them for years.

You probably had.

Nonetheless my body was on fire—but not just from the yoga.

Every time you corrected me.

Every time your fingers grazed my skin or gripped my waist to get me into better position.

My breathing would falter and I'd have to refocus my concentration.

When you put your hand on my thigh to position my Warrior II, I thought I might lose my mind. Your fingers felt like fire.

You awakened me, burned me in a way that I hadn't felt in over a year.

Could you tell?

I certainly wasn't the only woman in the class, and they were all here for a reason.

They hoped to get noticed, by you. The workout a nice kicker.

_Was that why I was here? _

Or was it just the draw of you? Your effortlessness?

Like how you drew me in on the night when we met…

***&^%$#**


	34. Chapter 34

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 34**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…after the class, you sat down across from me.

"Thanks Edward" They simpered and pranced their way out of the studio.

How you could handle all of the estrogen in that heated room was beyond me.

I'd clearly disengaged myself from the world for so long that I forgot how things felt.

Like jealousy.

Green and thick.

And desire, hot and red and coursing through my veins.

My eyes traveled back to yours and it was as though you were reading my mind. But you didn't say that.

"How was the class?" You ask instead.

"Great. I'm exhausted, but in a good way. You know." I tried to smile cheekily.

I couldn't flirt anymore, I didn't think I could anyhow.

But somehow it worked and you winked.

"Would you like to join me for breakfast?"

"Are you sure you want me to?" I teased and waved my hand in front of my face as if I smelled, but feeling a bit more natural in my flirtations.

You chuckled and shook your head. "I think I can handle it."

You stood up and reached out your hand.

I grabbed it and you pulled me up, stronger than I anticipated, landing me steadily on my feet, but so,_ so_ close to you.

Suddenly, I felt like I'd stepped into a metaphor…

***&^%$#**


	35. Chapter 35

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 35**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

As you pulled me to my feet, I was so close to you and I could feel your breath on my neck.

"Sorry." I said, stepping back.

"Don't be." You were still holding my hand, my left one with my ring noticeably missing.

"Ready?" You asked.

"Yeah."

Those metaphors again.

We walked in comfortable silence to a bakery down the street. You ordered four things, and I said it was too much. But I suspected you were trying to get me to eat.

"You think I don't eat?" I joked over my coffee as we waited.

You shrugged, knowing I was on to you.

We were sitting side by side at the window. You studied me and then leaned in.

"You're different from when we met. The same. Yet much different."

"I know."

You nodded, I was sure you were burning with questions.

"And yes, you're too thin. But come here every day and we can fix that." You teased and tickled my side. I knew you could feel my ribs, but then I realized you hadn't touched me without pause outside of yoga.

It was a heady feeling…

***&^%$#**


	36. Chapter 36

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 36**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…you weren't kidding about the breakfast. I was stuffed as I finished my quiche.

We'd talked quietly, avoiding major questions. You told me about Zion, and Moab, Portland and San Francisco.

But alas you turned to me, setting your fork on your plate.

"Can you…will you tell me what happened?"

I took a sip of my coffee and set it on the granite. I knew you waited until I finished eating. Because you knew that I wouldn't eat once we broached that topic.

And that time the words came out, though not quite the same as they usually did. I wasn't as robotic or as anxious about the responses I might get.

Somehow, I knew you wouldn't pity me. I knew you'd be empathetic and understanding.

You closed your eyes and grabbed my hand, squeezing it as I finished.

It was sobering, comforting, and relieving, as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders in a way that it hadn't been for over a year.

We finished breakfast without another word.

But you never let go of my hand…

***&^%$#**


	37. Chapter 37

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 37**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You walked me back to the B&B and smiled as I stepped up on the step.

"How long are you staying?" You finally asked.

"I don't know." I said honestly. "I'm booked for four weeks but…" the shrug again.

Did I have a reason to stay longer than that?

You contemplated something and my eyes moved to the couple walking down the street.

They were older, but she was much older than him.

Something struck me.

You noticed them too and then looked back.

"I have to work today and tomorrow—the weekends are the busiest."

It was still early, yoga had been at 6:00, but I knew that.

"I figured. So what should I do today?" I'd asked.

You thought for a moment. "Go to the blueberry farm…" you paused, "and then meet me at the marina." You told me where it was at.

"Okay."

You squeezed my hand and turned to walk away.

Then I thought of something. "How will I get ahold of you?"

You smirked. "Do you still have my number?"

I smiled. "I sure do Wolfman." …

***&^%$#**


	38. Chapter 38

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 38**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I told you about the tattoo I wanted to get and showed you a picture of it.

I finally did it. It was a swirling, intricate family symbol, but I worked in_ their_ names as well. It hurt like hell, but the physical pain of it almost helped to relieve some of the emotional pain I was harboring.

You couldn't see it today, because of where it was.

Maybe you never would, depending what you had planned.

I showed up at six-thirty, right after your last ride left. You didn't have a night group for the first time in weeks.

Or at least that's what you said.

I wore my swimming suit on a hunch, with a light sundress over top.

I felt naked.

But when your eyes roamed my body as I walked down the dock, a little piece of me came back.

That confident girl, the one that you met.

You held out your hand and helped me into the boat.

It wasn't big, it wasn't small, it was somewhere in the middle. But we set out on the water with a quiet ease.

You showed me how to drive and guide the boat.

I watched your hair whip in the air.

Suddenly we stopped and I looked at you in question.

"Now for some fun." Your eyes lit up with mischief…

***&^%$#**


	39. Chapter 39

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 39**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You said you grew up on the water.

I didn't. But I was still a good swimmer.

Wakeboarding it was then.

You showed me how to hold the handle for the towline and how to get up on the board.

I used to be strong, so strong and independent. But I was nervous, I was pretty sure you could see it.

"I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this." I sighed.

"You will." You stared at me. "You've overcome more."

Something settled in me.

I had, hadn't I?

"Yeah." I said and stripped off my sundress.

I turned to grab the life vest, when I felt your warm hand on my back.

The heat radiated as I felt your fingers trace the black lines around my spine and my bikini snap.

So maybe you would see that tattoo I told you about when we met…

***&^%$#**


	40. Chapter 40

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 40**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…the first time and I showed you the picture. You called it "badass."

But _that_ time, when you traced it, I felt that.

A ripple shot across my skin and I knew you were _right there_.

"You got it." You murmured.

"I did."

I felt you move my swimsuit to get a better look. Your fingers ghosted over the edges.

"Your kids…and him."

"Yes." I breathed. My heart raced from your touch.

"It's perfect."

"Thank you." I sighed and closed my eyes.

You dropped your hand and I turned back around. You cleared your throat and took a step back.

You didn't know the lines anymore.

Frankly, neither did I.

But I was starting to think, to _know_, they were disappearing rather quickly…

***&^%$#**


	41. Chapter 41

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 41**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…at the end of the boat, you made sure I had my feet placed properly in the boots on the board and my hands gripped the handle. We simulated popping up a few times before you were sure that I had it.

I could feel the scratch of the life vest and the clasp of the helmet on my chin. The water was cool and my skin rippled from the affect.

I was terrified.

I was exhilarated.

"Ready?" You asked.

"As I'll ever be."

You returned to the driver's seat and my knuckles went white on the grip.

My legs shook as you started the engine and I braced myself for the takeoff.

Silently I prayed that all the yoga and running made me strong and steady enough for what came next.

With what seemed like a shot, but was probably measured and slow we were off.

And I was up.

On my first try.

I squeezed the grip again and held my arms tight and balanced my legs like you showed me.

You turned back and smiled that easy smile.

And I returned it. But that time, it was real, it was full and it lit up my entire face.

I smiled for the first time like I used to smile when we met…

***&^%$#**


	42. Chapter 42

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 42**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You told me I had a great smile.

I hadn't shown it in a long time. But that night, it came back.

You made it come back.

As I whipped across the waves and bounced and danced with the wake, I laughed and grinned and felt carefree like I hadn't since then.

Since the night we danced.

We must have gone for an hour. Starting and stopping, turning and getting more daring.

I bit it a few times, but I was always back up and at it.

You said I was a natural.

I said you were going easy on me.

You smiled some secret smile and I bit my tongue at what I wanted to respond with.

When we finally docked the boat for the night, the sun had set over the water and all but a few boats had come in.

I smelled like saltwater and my hair was matted to my head.

But I didn't care.

Because for the first time in what seemed like forever, I felt uninhibited…

***&^%$#**


	43. Chapter 43

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 43**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…on the dock after you closed up the boat. You suggested dinner.

"Somewhere casual?" I joked, gesturing to my current state.

"Somewhere that you won't see pink lipstick." You smirked.

I laughed, loudly—like I used to laugh—and your smirk grew wider.

"There it is."

"What?" I asked.

"That smile, that laugh." You touched my cheek.

I grew silent.

"Don't." You said. "I want to make you do it more."

I ducked my head and grabbed your hand. "Okay. Let's get dinner."

Again we held hands as we walked down the dock.

Dinner was casual, a tiny little barbeque joint filled with people who had just come off their boats. You were in your element, telling me stories about the characters of the town and the kids you grew up with.

For once, I just listened. I snickered at your stories and chortled even harder when the wings you ordered were hotter than expected.

My cheeks flushed from the spice in my food and from your presence.

It was nearly eleven when we walked back and I was tired.

But content…and happy. Not anxious for the first time in a long time.

When we paused at my door, that bit of awkwardness set in.

I wasn't ready for that yet. But somehow you knew.

"Thanks for a great night Edward."

It was the first time I'd used your name since the night when we met…

***&^%$#**


	44. Chapter 44

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 44**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…the following day it was for yoga again. But you weren't teaching this time and had to work the rest of the day.

You still texted me all day, making fun of the drunk partygoers on your boat, and the old men who couldn't get up on the wakeboard.

You asked for a picture of me from the lighthouse I was visiting. I took a selfie from the top.

_Beautiful. _

I asked for a picture of you driving.

You sent me one, shirtless, hair in a ponytail, wayfarers on your head.

I almost died on the spot, sure_ that_ picture would stay with me forever.

But I became bold and sent you one back.

It was the one you had sent me the last time we had met.

_Not sure which one I like better_, I captioned it.

I watched as the dots appeared on my screen waiting for your response.

Then it came, it was _my_ picture from that night.

You too still had it.

_Me neither, _you said…

***&^%$#**


	45. Chapter 45

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 45**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…that Wednesday was the first day you'd had off since I'd been there.

I had traveled the island not wanting to demand too much of your time. I'd gone down to the south side where you said "the money" was at.

It was impressive, if not a bit too much in some ways.

I liked the north side, where you lived.

You picked me up in your Jeep Wrangler that time. Somehow, I knew you would have a car without a roof on it.

We decided to go to a vineyard. We stomped grapes and watched the winemaking. We walked hand in hand through the grape vines.

In the tasting room I blanched at the Pinot Grigio and you laughed at my dislike.

We tried the different blends and I settled on a white blend that was palatable for me. I bought two bottles to have later.

You suggested a drive and I nodded in agreement.

We went all the way along the north shore to the very tip of the North Fork of the island. We'd stopped at a cheese shop on the way and bought cheese and some fresh berries.

You pulled out a blanket and offered your hand.

I accepted, somehow knowing that night was going to be different…

***&^%$#**


	46. Chapter 46

_**When We Met**_

**Chapter 46**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I couldn't help but wonder what you thought of me.

"You three were clearly having fun." You snickered as you remembered it.

I poured us wine as you opened the cheese and berries.

"We were. They're great. They've been there for me through everything." I thought of my best friends.

We talked for a while about my friends and yours, as we nibbled on the berries and the cheese and chased it with the wine from the vineyard.

"What did they think about you coming here?" You asked as you popped in another berry.

"They don't know I'm here." I whispered.

"Really?" You looked surprised, if not a bit taken aback.

"What I mean is, I set out on my trip without a destination."

I paused, not sure I should share what I was feeling so soon. There were so many things we hadn't talked about yet.

"But I'm not going to lie, this wasn't _un_planned."

You hummed as you took a sip of your wine. "Good to know."

We sat in silence for a moment and watched the sun slowly drop over the horizon.

"And what is planned?" You kept staring at the horizon as you asked.

I reached out slowly, and gently touched your arm. Goosebumps shot across your skin, the first, or maybe the most knowable, indication that you were as affected by me as I was by you.

"Nothing." I whispered.

You turned until you were right there and I gasped in a breath…

***&^%$#**


	47. Chapter 47

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 47**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…and you'd asked for a kiss the second night. I had lines.

But _that _night, that night we didn't.

Your eyes glanced to my lips, to my eyes and back again.

I leaned in and could smell the wine and the blueberries on your breath.

Before I could stop myself I closed the distance.

Your lips were so soft, even with your beard. My hand made its way to your hair as you deepened the kiss.

Slow and sweet with promises of more.

Your lips moved with mine, until I had to catch my breath.

I panted and then they met again.

Soon you were leaning over me, our wine forgotten and my fingers grasping at your back. Yours traced my side as your tongue moved in the same rhythm.

Somehow we retained our consciousness that there were other people in the park.

But barely.

When you groaned at the same time I did, I giggled, breaking the tension.

You pulled back, still half over me, but with one arm propping you up to keep your full weight off me.

To keep us from getting too out of hand.

Your eyes burned into mine as your other hand traced under my arm, right next to my breast, and you said, "_That's_ how I wanted to kiss you when we met…"

***&^%$#**


	48. Chapter 48

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 48**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I'd wondered what your hair felt like under my hands. Admittedly I'd imagined more heady images then and since.

But it was so soft, even my imagination could get to that.

How could a man have such soft hair?

And you were a man—entirely.

I could feel it as you pressed against me.

The promises, the enticement, of more lingered between us as my fingers threaded through your hair. Until, you finally sat back.

We were in a public park, one that was closing soon besides.

You helped me up and we rearranged ourselves.

We picked up our things. Tossing our spilled wine glasses and capping the rest.

Your hand grabbed mine.

And I readily accepted…

***&^%$#**


	49. Chapter 49

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 49**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

And you dropped me off at the B&B. You walked me up again.

But the second kiss was chaste.

We both knew a line had been crossed that time, and we didn't want to rush too far past it.

I didn't know what it was that we had.

I didn't think that you thought of it as a fling.

But somehow we were in agreement on it all the same.

Your eyes still held questions though. Ones I couldn't answer yet.

How long was I staying?

How long could it last?

All things we couldn't know in that instant.

Because like the night we met, it needed time, it needed to develop.

It needed water and sunlight, like a flower in the prairie.

It maybe even needed some wind, to make it tougher and stronger, to build up its resistance.

Just like the night we met, we didn't know that yet…

***&^%$#**


	50. Chapter 50

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 50**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

The first time, I didn't feel guilty. Maybe I should have, but I didn't. It had been a simple, sweet thing.

But the night of our first real kiss, the nightmares came back. The anxiety crushed me at the same time a summer storm rolled in.

I nearly fell out of bed and scrambled for the bathroom. I tore through my bags looking for the pills that my doctor had prescribed me, _just in case_.

I'd had panic attacks_, bad ones_.

But that one was _really_ bad.

It was soul-splitting, gut-wrenching and settled into my chest like a ton of bricks.

I'd gasped and gasped begging for breath.

Finally I grabbed the vape pen as well and the relief was nearly instantaneous.

I wasn't sure what caused the onset. But I suspected.

The old me, the one who had the perfect life and the beautiful things was rearing her head.

How dare you?

How dare you move on from everything?

So I laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling and contemplated what it could all mean.

And I didn't message you for two days after…

***&^%$#**


	51. Chapter 51

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 51**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

The next time it was completely by happenstance.

You hadn't messaged me either, but I think somehow you knew that the kiss would break me apart for a while.

Instead you patiently waited.

You were always good at that. At patience.

It was a trait I simply didn't possess.

I'd gone for a run on the beach, near the marina where your boat was. Maybe I was trying to see you, subconsciously just wanting to be near you.

After I finished my miles I sat down and stared across the water, thinking, not thinking, just taking in the rising sun and trying to assess what had happened.

I didn't hear you coming, but like that first night, I felt you.

You didn't say anything. You didn't have to.

I didn't say anything. Because my body must have expressed everything.

You just sat down behind me, with your legs on either side and wrapped your arms around me, my back against your chest.

I was sweaty and gross, but you didn't care.

"Let it out."

It was then I realized the tremors raking through my body, and the tears I was holding in.

So I did.

And you held me.

As we sat on the sand…

***&^%$#**


	52. Chapter 52

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 52**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

The next day, we fell back into our easy companionship.

And it continued for several days after that.

Yet you didn't push anything, I knew you were afraid to.

But you made me laugh, you went out of your way to do that.

And we got to know each other better, learning our likes and dislikes, our wants and our pasts.

But something was becoming apparent to me, my desire for you was blooming in a way I had never experienced. Like that flower in the sun with just the right amount of heat, water and nitrogen.

Yet you seemed tentative, like you were afraid of going too fast. Finally I told you, that you needed to know that it wasn't your fault—my breakdown.

If anything, maybe I'd needed a push in that direction. Maybe I needed to break and be put back together. Maybe you were my wind.

Holding me on the beach had started to do that.

When I said those words, we'd been strolling through an orchard and you stopped and pulled me in. You kissed me tenderly and then pulled me into a hug so tight I was breathless.

You knew then and from there on. You knew what I needed…

***&^%$#**


	53. Chapter 53

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 53**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

That evening at dinner you had a secret smile on your face.

"I want to show you something after dinner."

"Do you?" I raised my eyebrows over my wine glass and you smiled back cheekily.

When we pulled up at the dock in a quiet part of town, I wasn't sure what to expect.

Our hands clasped as you led me down the creaking wood.

I saw it at the end, the natural wood sides and the white sails.

But the name on the side is what jumped out at me instead.

_Bella_

My eyes turned to yours and our lighthearted evening became much heavier.

"Show me." I finally whispered.

As you led me aboard, a million questions raced through my head.

_When? How long? Why? It was _me_ right?_ It had to be.

I'd already asked you about other girls, you said there was no one. Not that there hadn't been since we met, but I couldn't expect that—not with the way you looked.

But this, this was so much more profound, so much deeper.

"When?" I murmured.

"Last year."

"After…?"

"Yes, after we met…"

***&^%$#**


	54. Chapter 54

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 54**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You told me about the Victorian house that you bought and completely remodeled.

I could tell your hand was in the boat as well. I didn't know much about boats, but I knew it was older, though everything inside was new. And I knew this boat wasn't for chartering, or wakeboarding, it was just for you.

My mind raced at your response as my hand grazed the wood and the new seats with white leather.

You moved behind me and I shuddered when you swept my hair over my shoulder.

I closed my eyes, my heart thundering in my chest.

Your lips met my shoulder, and you kissed all the way to my ear.

I sucked in a breath as your hands met my waist.

Then I leaned back, I leaned_ in_ to the feeling.

Because panic attacks and guilt be damned, I wasn't going to deny myself that feeling again.

I was going to live.

I was going to live in _that_ moment, not in the past…

***&^%$#**


	55. Chapter 55

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 55**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Our lips that time, it was a whole new level of passion.

I reached my arm back as you angled your mouth to mine. Your body pressed against me and you ground yourself into my back.

The warm summer night along with your heat caused beads to break out on my skin. As I turned in your arms, I was engulfed in your embrace, in your lips, in _you_.

The sway of the boat surprised us and we stumbled, you backwards until you fell in the seat.

But I didn't stop. I was emboldened, my new found resolve marching me ahead.

I crashed my lips to yours again until we needed air. Then you tipped my head back, my hair swaying behind me as your lips found my neck.

Sucking, tasting, and burning me from the outside in. Your hands followed next, pulling my sundress down and exposing me to the world. But I didn't care. Because the feeling of your lips on my nipples made me want your lips _there_…and it was all I could think about as I ground against you.

"Fuck." You moaned.

So I did it again.

And again.

And again.

Until we were both a panting, sweaty, sticky mess…

***&^%$#**


	56. Chapter 56

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 56**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Our eyes and I saw a glazed smile on your face and I was sure mine held the same.

Our lips met slowly, sweetly as we came down from our high. Then you chuckled as the boat tipped us into one another again.

"Do you think it's a sign?" You asked.

I smiled as I thought about it, and about something else you asked me on the night we met.

"Maybe." I said. I wasn't religious, I'd told you. But you called me spiritual.

Perhaps you were right in both respects.

Maybe it was a sign, maybe I was spiritual, I thought to myself.

You helped me up, adjusting yourself and as I teased your predicament, you slapped my ass. You were more than willing to help me right my dress as well, copping another feel as only a guy can.

I kissed you anyway, loving your playfulness and the lightheartedness we shared.

As you drove me home, I put my hand on your leg and laid my head back against the seat letting the wind whip through my hair.

We weren't driving fast, but I felt us slowing. I saw you slowly put something away when I opened my eyes to ask what was happening.

"Did you take my picture?" I asked.

"Maybe." You winked, then you sped up again.

There were no nightmares that night. There were no panic attacks.

As I drifted off to sleep, I realized that I hadn't been so relaxed since the night when we met…

***&^%$#**


	57. Chapter 57

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 57**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

The next morning you showed up at the B&B.

I looked at your Jeep and noticed two things strapped to the back.

It was Wednesday and you had a day off, the city folks had gone back for the week.

We grabbed a quick breakfast and then we drove to a quiet cove great for paddle boarding. You were surprised when I told you I'd done it before.

"I love it." I said.

"So do I." You winked.

We slowly made our way across the water, taking in the remainder of the sunrise and talked about anything and everything.

When the last rays came up over the blue ripples, we sat straddling our boards, leaning back on our hands.

"Can I ask you something?" You said quietly. But it was a different tone, one I didn't know yet.

I broke my gaze from the sunrise and turned to look at you. But you were still staring straight ahead.

"Anything." I offered.

"Are you…" you looked down, setting your balance before you met my gaze.

"Do you think you'll ever get married again?"

It wasn't what I expected.

I don't think anything you ever asked was expected.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "But I guess if the right person, the right time, comes, then I'm not opposed to the idea."

You nodded and that was that…

***&^%$#**


	58. Chapter 58

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 58**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

At your Jeep, you tied up the paddle boards and we climbed in.

The wind dried our hair as you drove down the highway and something settled in me as the warm air moved in.

It suddenly dawned on me, that I had just gone with you wherever you went.

I had always been a planner, a type A personality.

But with you, I just _went_ with it.

I didn't know where we were going, or what the plan was.

And I was okay with it.

I decided then and there I was going to keep _going_ with that feeling.

So I didn't even ask when we pulled up to a house.

A Victorian a block from the beach on the other side of the north side.

I smirked at you as you grabbed my bag from the back.

I knew where we were. You'd told me to pack for a day out after our paddle boarding in the morning. But I knew we were at your house.

"I thought you might want a shower before our next adventure." You wiggled your eyebrows at me.

"I want to see your house first though." I said excitedly.

You clasped my hand as you led me up the stairs.

Then you opened the door.

"Come on in…"

***&^%$#**


	59. Chapter 59

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 59**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Inside your house, my eyes swept over it from floor to ceiling.

It was everything I'd imagined, cool and crisp with the smell of sandalwood and vanilla lingering in the air.

I could tell it had bachelor tendencies from the leather couch to the large flat screen TV.

But there were other elements, like the black and white photos on the wall of canyons and mountains, waterfalls, and vineyards.

"Did you take these?" I asked as I walked from one to the next.

I could feel you behind me again, I could always feel your presence.

"Yeah."

"On your travels?"

You nodded.

Your eyes locked with mine as you explained each one: where you were, what you thought, who you were with, the light, the darkness, how you got the shot to convey exactly what you felt in that moment.

We got to the last one of a series of three in the dining room, next to your driftwood table.

I read the neat writing in the bottom right corner.

Zion.

The light was passing between the sides of a canyon and filtering down onto the stream below that flowed between them. It made it seem like the light never ended.

It was breathtaking, _heart-wrenching,_ in the essence it presented.

"Want to see the rest?" You asked after a weighty minute.

"Yes." I responded, but laced with so much more than that…

***&^%$#**


	60. Chapter 60

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 60**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

At the top of the stairs, the air became thick with anticipation. But you showed me each room, two extra bedrooms and an office, all beachy colors and light airy curtains.

We reached the end of the hall and you pushed the white door open.

The king size bed on the other side was covered in a fluffy white down comforter. The gray blue walls wrapped around the mahogany bed and dresser.

It was so you. Just like the black and white photos that lined those walls as well.

The refinished hardwood floors shifted under my feet as I stepped over to the bed. My fingers trailed across the fabric as you set my bag on the end.

"Do you want to shower?" You asked.

I took a deep breath.

I hadn't tried to be sultry or alluring in a long time.

But damn I wanted to be right then.

"Sure." I sighed and started to take off my tank top.

"It's right through there." You motioned and then started to turn away.

But I unzipped my shorts and let them fall to my feet. My bikini soon followed. I heard your feet stutter at the door and I peeked over my shoulder to see your hand gripping the handle.

"Join me." I offered and walked naked into your bathroom…

***&^%$#**


	61. Chapter 61

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 61**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

…in the shower, I was washing my hair.

Your hands covered mine as my fingers ran the length of my strands. Then you turned me around to cover my lips as well.

I pressed my body against yours and I could feel you pulsing against me.

The water rained down on us as our mouths moved in the same slow and steady pace.

For that moment.

My hands ran across your tanned chest as yours found purchase on my ass.

I could feel everything: every droplet of water, every ripple of your lips, every pad of your fingertips as you massaged my body from the length of my back, to my tits, to my ass.

Suddenly you pushed me back and sat me on a bench.

"I want to try something…" You looked at me with hooded eyes and I gulped at the realization when your lips met me _there_.

Hot.

Wet.

Fuck. _Fuck._

I cried out as my hands clutched and squeezed your hair as your head was between my legs.

It had been so long. _So long._

I came with a scream that echoed against the walls of the shower.

You kissed your way up my thighs making me giggle and squirm. Then you washed me and yourself with a satisfied smirk on your face.

"What?" I quirked my eyebrow.

"I've wanted to do that…since the night we met…"

***&^%$#**


	62. Chapter 62

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 62**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

To kiss again, I reached for you. But you shook your head.

"The bed."

"Yeah."

You turned off the shower and grabbed a towel to wrap me in. You dried off quickly and wrapped your towel around you and I did the same.

Then you kissed me, and we did a type of dance, with our lips and our hands, out of the bathroom and to your bed.

Our towels dropped to the floor as you leaned past me and pulled the covers back.

Without thinking, I fell back into the bed.

You stared at me for a moment, and I fidgeted under your gaze.

"Don't." You cautioned as you traced your fingers down my body from end to end. "You're so fucking beautiful."

I grabbed your fingers on the next pass and then kissed them and pulled you on top of me. The heat of your body was welcome and my legs opened involuntarily.

You slipped inside easily and that dance continued.

Long and slow, to harder and faster. Lips and tongue on my neck, chest, across my face, to my nipples, up, down and back.

I lifted my hips into you, trying to meet you thrust for thrust. Your weight on me, the look in your eyes, your smell, your taste, the way your muscles rippled as you held yourself was too much to handle.

"Goddamnit." You growled as you hit a spot so, _so _fucking deep. Your hand was under my ass lifting me to you and I squeezed you as hard as I could.

Until I couldn't anymore, and you couldn't anymore, and we fucking shattered together…

***&^%$#**


	63. Chapter 63

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 63**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Our eyes met as we came down from our high, I could see something there, something much deeper.

That ultimate line had been crossed and there was no turning back.

You pulled the covers over us as I nestled into your side, tracing your pecs.

"Was that your adventure?" I teased after several minutes of quiet contentment.

I felt you laugh against my cheek, my head on your chest.

"If you thought it was an adventure, then I'll say yes." Your hands stroked my half dry hair and peered at me. "But I want you to know it wasn't planned."

"I'm okay with unplanned remember."

"Yeah." You hummed, and relaxed back. But soon I felt that tingle again.

I crossed my leg over you and began to kiss around your belly button.

"What are you doing?" Your voice hoarse with expectation.

"Nothing." I smirk up at you, moving lower, and lower until you sucked in a breath and I took in something else.

Your hands fisted the sheets at your side, until I grabbed one and put it on my head.

"Shit Bella." You thrusted up. I could feel you getting closer with each pass.

Then suddenly you pulled me up on top of you instead.

You slowed us down, warning that you wouldn't last. But I didn't care. I could feel everything in that position and I wanted to drive you mad.

Our eyes met, hooded and wild as your hands were everywhere. And when neither of us could hold out any longer, we let go.

I let _go_, of so much else as well…

***&^%$#**


	64. Chapter 64

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 64**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

In the kitchen, after a real shower, you insisted on a late breakfast.

You were trying to feed me again, but I was okay with that.

I had gained a couple pounds in my time in the Hamptons. Good pounds, that rounded out my cheeks and made me look not so hallow, not so sunken and sad.

You liked it, you said, especially when you grabbed my ass.

"You like my ass?" I wiggled it in front of you. You rolled your eyes and huffed out a breath as you flipped the omelet in the pan.

"Hmmm?" I hip-checked you and tickled your side to bait you more, until you turned off the burner and put down the spatula.

Without warning you encaged me against the counter and my eyes flashed up.

Again?

"I lo-like _all_ of you. I _want_ all of you. All the time." You kissed me hard and a flame rose in my chest. "But we need to eat." You pulled back.

"Tease." I taunted you.

"I'm just building up my stamina." You popped a slice of bacon in your mouth and my insides flip flopped at the thought of what might be next…

***&^%$#**


	65. Chapter 65

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 65**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

On the porch, I looked out from the back.

The view was breathtaking: clear blue ocean, seagulls flying and the sound of the water completing the picture.

We ate in comfortable silence and played footsie under the table. Just toe to toe, leg to leg. It was as though we had to be touching one another at all moments.

When I finished my bacon, omelet and toast I leaned back, full and satisfied.

We chatted about how you learned to cook, what I could cook, what our parents were like and how that affected us.

For the first time since we met again, I started to picture myself in your life.

Not as a drop in, not as a sweeping storm of emotion.

But as a fixture.

I think you were doing the same, or maybe you already had been.

But there was a question lingering, something I had to know. I finally asked.

"Why did you buy the boat?" I whispered as we watched the waves crashing in the distance.

You paused, took a sip of coffee and set it back.

"I couldn't get you out of my head."

I raised my eyebrows, but you continued.

"You were unreachable. So it wasn't that I pined for you exactly, but I thought of you. A lot. I'd think of another life…another lifetime perhaps. What could have been _if_…The name just seemed perfect, obviously with its meaning. But I definitely knew that if the opportunity presented itself again, I would take it."

I sucked in a breath, realizing that you'd just laid yourself out there like you always did…

***&^%$#**


	66. Chapter 66

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 66**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Back in the house, I asked what other adventures you'd planned before I derailed it. You suggested going to an arts festival on another part of the island and I agreed.

We hopped in your jeep and I put my hair up as it was especially windy.

You reached over and put your hand on my neck, rubbing the skin under my ponytail.

I don't know if you knew what you had awakened in me.

But it was like smoldering hot lava started running thick and deep. It took all I had to contain myself, which was saying something, after over a year of celibacy.

When we pulled up to the festival thirty minutes later, you chuckled at me and I gave you a mock irritated glance.

Then we walked, with your arm around me through the booths and stands.

We weren't hurried, we weren't looking for anything in particular, we just were; in the moment, enjoying one another's presence.

When we came to a booth at the end of a row, you pulled me in. They had birthstone rings, bracelets and necklaces.

"When's your birthday?" You asked looking over the selection.

"I'll be thirty-nine in September." I ducked my head, hating that question.

But you nodded, unfazed, as you always did.

"You?" I asked as I fingered a ring that was a beautiful blue like my sapphire.

"I turned thirty-one in June."

"Ah." I pondered, trying to get my head around that.

But you held up a necklace and looked me in the eye. "So see, no big deal, same decade." You winked and then clasped the necklace around the back…

***&^%$#**


	67. Chapter 67

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 67**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

At the food booth after I hit the bathroom. You'd grabbed us some street tacos and a gyro to share.

I was still full from breakfast, but I had some anyhow.

We sat down on the beach on the other side of the stands, where there were hundreds of people flying kites from the festival.

The sounds of children filtered up and down the beach. Families laughing and smiling hummed around us and I eyed them longingly.

You sensed the change in me, like you wanted to ask.

Instead, I decided to tell you, about my kids, about my family.

You listened so well, as you always did, asking questions, prodding me forward until I grew quiet again.

Soon the tacos and the gyro were long gone and, surprisingly, I felt better.

I hopped up from the sand and held my hand to bring you with me.

"What next senor?" I tried to lighten the mood.

You looked at me, probably assessing if I was really okay.

"Let's take a picture." You said after a moment.

Soon you pulled out your phone and we took a bunch with the kites flying behind us, of the wind whipping our hair, and with the ocean in back. On one you surprised me and kissed me and I felt a thrill go down my spine.

Once again, you'd made me forget my somber attitude. And when you showed me the pictures later, I couldn't deny how good we looked together…

***&^%$#**


	68. Chapter 68

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 68**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

That night at your house as I crawled into bed, you had your eyes closed, probably worn out after I'd mauled you again when we got back.

But you turned on your side and I mirrored your position.

You were quiet, thoughtful. I could tell you wanted to ask something.

So I grabbed your hand and put it between my cheek and the hand I had tucked against the pillow.

"Could you do it again?" You asked quietly, all seriousness in your tone.

I thought for a moment. A long moment, because it was a big question, the question I knew you were asking.

Could I have kids again?

When I finally found the words, they weren't perfect, but they were truthful.

I knew you wanted kids. You'd said as much when we met.

But I wasn't positive I could give you that.

"I don't know." I started. "But I don't want you to think that's a cop-out. I really hadn't considered it at all after everything happened."

I paused for a moment. It wasn't a "no", it was just that I hadn't been "awake" long enough to consider it.

So I told you that. "I've been asleep for so long, I couldn't comprehend that, I couldn't comprehend anything. I could barely make it through my days."

"But I'm awake now, and I think I need some time to really think about that."

The hand that I was holding pulled me closer to you and you kissed me tenderly. I sighed as I melted into you and we drifted off to sleep.

I hadn't answered, but I hadn't said "no" either, and I think you were content with that…

***&^%$#**


	69. Chapter 69

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 69**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

In the morning, several days later, I gave you a kiss good-bye over coffee. I only had a week left before my room was up at the B&B. You had to work all the way through the weekend.

But we planned to see each other at night, when you got done with your last ride, as we had every night for the last week and a half.

So I went for a run and then I went to the far end of the south fork of the island and took in the Montauk Lighthouse Museum. I strolled the shops in Montauk and contemplated our discussions of the week past.

I texted you and snapped you fun little things along the way.

Then it struck me it was one of the things I'd missed most when I lost him. We used to communicate all day long in multiple ways.

I'd missed that in my travels. I'd missed sharing things with him.

Then it dawned on me that I was messaging _you_ and sending _you_ pictures in his place.

I stopped short in the front of a store in Montauk, looking at myself in the glass.

My eyes were wide at the realization, my heart racing in my chest. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

The anxiety ebbed away, on its own, for the first time in what seemed like forever.

And I wanted to tell you about it.

I wanted to share my breakthrough with _you_ the next time we met…

***&^%$#**


	70. Chapter 70

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 70**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

That night, you were excited at my breakthrough. I think you knew what it meant.

"Let's go to dinner." You said.

"Isn't it late?" 9:00.

"Not on the East Coast it isn't." You chuckled.

You were ready in a flash and we stopped quickly for me to change my dress.

I hadn't packed anything sexy. I hadn't set out for that on my trip.

But after my breakthrough that day, I'd slipped into a boutique on my way back.

I bought a short black dress and a bright blue one. The blue one was backless with just a crisscross between the shoulder blades. Summery and just a bit scandalous.

I felt like the blue one that night. I felt like myself again.

"Wow." You breathed as I climbed back in your jeep.

It was short. It was something like I used to wear when we met…

***&^%$#**


	71. Chapter 71

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 71**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

At the hostess stand after you parked the car. I could feel your eyes on me as she led us through the restaurant. For the first time in ages, I felt confident and proud. And I think you felt the same.

We'd driven a bit to Southampton and now I knew what you meant. The place was hopping at nearly 10:00 P.M. But I didn't care, it was Saturday night and it felt like Vegas again, like it was just the beginning of the evening.

I ordered a bottle of wine and you had a glass.

I was tipsy after the appetizer and your eyes danced at my antics.

You told a story about your brother and how he dove after a fish one time as a kid.

I laughed loudly, that whole body, open-mouthed laugh that I had when we met.

The grin on your face was ample when I glanced back.

"What?" I smirked as I sipped my wine again.

"That laugh. You have the best laugh. I'm so glad its back."

I smiled taking a bite of my halibut, knowing I hadn't done it much since _then_.

"I was a little loud and outgoing." I felt my cheeks redden.

You reached over and tipped my head up and leaned in. "No, you were, you _are_, exuberant and warm. It's contagious, and so fucking sexy."

Then you kissed me, hard, in the middle of dinner…

***&^%$#**


	72. Chapter 72

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 72**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You didn't seem to care what your friends thought of you leaving the bachelor party.

And that night, you didn't care what the other restaurant goers thought as we kissed and my toe rubbed your leg under the table.

I heard a throat clear and sat back and you winked at me again.

I sipped my wine to cool off and try to catch my breath.

"A little flushed are you?" You baited me, but I was willing to play.

"Are you sure you can handle the fire you're starting?" My desire had come back ten-fold in the last weeks, though you were always up to the challenge.

"I don't mind a little heat." You raised your eyebrows, finishing your glass.

"You know they say women my age are in their sexual prime." I countered as I took another sip of my wine.

"Oh yeah." You leaned in again, setting me with your stare. "Well I've heard somewhere that younger men are a good match because of that."

"Hmmm." Was all I could respond because, _goddamn_.

You had me riled up and you knew it. But how couldn't you? Looking like that.

"Speaking of sexy. You're killing me with that half-up man bun tonight."

You smiled widely this time as your eyes dance with mischief.

Then you whispered, "I may have heard you and your friends giggling about my hair when we met…"

***&^%$#**


	73. Chapter 73

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 73**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

While our waiter was closing out our tab, you suggested something I hadn't thought of in forever.

"Let's go dance."

"Yeah?" I said excitedly because I knew you weren't much of a dancer. But I was feeling good and loose and ready to take on the rest of the evening.

Two blocks down was a club that was just getting started. You led me through the crowd, waving at a few people but never stopping to interact.

When we reached the huge dance floor that was half outside and half in, you spun me around and then pulled me close to your chest.

Song after song came on and I felt more and more relaxed. Then a familiar tune played and you turned me so your front was to my back.

But that time, I touched you. You touched me and we _danced._

Hands on my thighs, up my sides, over my back, gripping my hips. I swayed and moved against you, driving you as crazy as you had me.

I turned to kiss you and moved to the rhythm.

Until finally, the song ended and you growled in my ear.

"Let's get out of here…"

***&^%$#**


	74. Chapter 74

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 74**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

The tension was always kept at bay, never crossing those lines that I had.

But that night, it was simmering, nearly ready to boil over at any minute.

You sped home in the night, not caring who we passed. You'd only had one glass of wine at dinner, and I wanted to be there just as fast.

Before I could even close the door of the jeep, you had me pinned up against it.

I pushed and you pulled, all the way to the house until we were sprawled on the couch in your living room.

"You were killing me with this dress." You bit my ear and I laughed.

"That was kind of the point."

"What you do to me, you have no idea."

I turned and curled my finger beckoning you to me.

"Show me." I whispered as I removed your shirt and pants and you ripped the dress over my head.

You didn't have to hear it twice, and soon I was on my knees, my elbows on the armrest as you pressed against my back.

"I want you Edward." I moaned with invitation.

You took it and moved in me hard and fast.

I gripped the armrest as you pulled me to you tighter. Your entire body covered mine and I could feel you everywhere.

_Everywhere._

Until we crashed…

***&^%$#**


	75. Chapter 75

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 75**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Our eyes across the pillows the next morning, you had a funny look on your face.

Like you wanted to ask me something.

"I want you to meet my friends."

"The same friends?" I asked.

"No." You chuckled and shook your head. "I don't really see them that much. Those are just buddies from college. I mean my very best friends, the ones you saw me with the first night. I grew up with them on the island."

"Okay." I hummed, still tired from our late-night festivities.

"I have to go to work. But sleep in. I'll pick you up later. I just have a morning charter and then I'm off at 2:00."

You kissed me tenderly, morning breath be damned and you paused for a moment and swept my hair back.

I felt your feather light touch as you brushed it over my shoulder and down my back.

And I swore I heard something else before I heard the door click…

***&^%$#**


	76. Chapter 76

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 76**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Your friends for dinner, I was nervous and out of my element.

I hadn't done that sort of thing in so long, I wasn't sure how to act.

"Just be yourself and they'll love you." You kissed me as we walked to the deck.

Rosalie, the blonde, was nice enough, but calculating. Her husband Emmett and brother Jasper were nice too, if not a bit surprised at my appearance.

_Did they think I was too old for you?_

_Or was it something else?_

We fell into an easy conversation as Emmett manned the grill. I stayed mostly quiet, just listening to the chatter.

Your arm never left my back as you rubbed your fingers on my neck.

I could see Rosalie watching us, taking in every step.

"So Bella, what do you do for a living?"

I took a sip of my beer and set it back.

"I work for a large bank in Chicago." I responded. "But I'm actually taking a leave of absence."

"A leave of absence? Why's that?"

"_Rose_." You warned.

"It's okay." I pat your leg with my hand that's been resting there.

"When do you have to go back?" She persisted.

"Next week." I said and glanced at you.

Your face held a stoic expression…

***&^%$#**


	77. Chapter 77

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 77**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

On your porch for a nightcap. The stars were shining brightly and the ocean breeze was crisp.

You were sitting on the swing, quietly, contemplating something in your head. We had been quiet on the ride home as well.

Dinner had been rough with Rosalie's prodding and my inability to answer.

"Mind if I join you?" I asked. But you didn't look at me, just patted the spot to your left.

We were quiet. There was a heaviness between us that had never been.

"What are we doing here Bella?" You finally asked.

I stopped breathing for a moment, while I tried to think of what to say back.

I had a life. A great life that I should go back to.

But could I do that?

I was really out of sorts after dinner. I didn't think your friends liked me and yet, I wasn't sure I fit back home anymore as well.

But you put me on the spot, in that way that only you did.

So I thought about it and thought about it, until I finally answered.

"I think I need some time to figure things out." I whispered.

You sighed, because it was almost as if you expected it.

Yet it wasn't fair to you was it? You'd been very forthright with me, and I was pulling back.

Pulling back after I'd sought you out after we met…

***&^%$#**


	78. Chapter 78

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 78**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

In your bedroom, we were both quiet again. You lay beside me, eyes closed, though I knew you were still awake.

There was an awkwardness that had never been there between us.

And I hated it.

I didn't want to do that to you. I remembered how I was worried about bringing my blackness into your life. About messing you up only to then walk away.

Was that what I was doing?

Should I just leave and not come back?

I was jumbled up inside, not knowing what I felt.

Because the problem was: I felt, when I didn't think I would ever_ feel_ again.

You'd awakened me. You'd pulled me out of my abyss.

When you finally fell asleep, I slipped out of bed and penned a letter telling you exactly that. How you brought me back. How I had passion and desire again, how I thought of possibilities and of _whens_.

And then I asked you to give me time, because I didn't want to do wrong by you. Let me go back and sort some things out in my head.

I tucked it under your pillow and kissed you softly before I left…

***&^%$#**


	79. Chapter 79

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 79**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You were always better at patience than me, perhaps your greatest strength.

The drive back to Chicago was long and painful. Summer construction, a flat tire, it was as though the universe didn't want me to go back.

Was it a sign?

Did it mean something? The obstacles in my way.

I walked into my condo, cold and lifeless from being closed up for many weeks.

I sorted the mail that my sister set out and started laundry and unpacked.

Then I sat down and looked out over the lake, thinking about how it wasn't as blue, wasn't as captivating as the ocean from your deck.

I fingered the necklace at my collarbone and started to think "what if?"

What if I took that leap?

What would I be missing here?

My friends, my family, but I would still have them just a plane ride away.

My job, what would I do in the Hamptons? I had worked long and hard to get to where I was. Sure I had money, but it wouldn't last forever. I had to work again at some point.

But, maybe this was a chance to reinvent myself. Surely with my experience and degree I could do_ something _out there.

Then I'd stop short when I thought of all the things that I wasn't sure that I could give you.

Marriage.

Kids.

A family.

I'd had all that. And there was no guarantee that it would last…

***&^%$#**


	80. Chapter 80

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 80**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

At the bar that second night in Vegas, you said my friends and I complemented each other so well.

You were right. We did.

Which was why, four weeks later, as I was having drinks with them they started to question my somber attitude.

I'd told them all about my trip and they said they envied the places I'd been.

Oh the irony of that.

"What's wrong Bella?" Angela asked, sensing I wasn't quite saying something.

I sighed as I thought about what to tell them. I'd told them everything, minus the Hamptons. They had been the most supportive and understanding of me taking the trip in the first place.

Had I given up the chance at a new start, a new life? But how could I move away from them.

"This isn't about your family. I can tell, it's something else." Alice pressed.

I glanced at Angela and back to Alice before I decided to launch in.

Our time together came out like the rush of a waterfall and their eyes widened more and more until I finished.

They were quiet, just staring at me until I had to ask.

"What?"

"Wolfman? Seriously?" Alice paused. "The one we met in Vegas?"

"The one we met…"

***&^%$#**


	81. Chapter 81

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 81**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Our heads across the table, she shook hers at me in scolding. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled.

"I mean go. I'm not kidding. Go the fuck back to him!" She screeched and the other patrons looked at us.

"But Alice—"

"No. No _but Alice_. When Jacob and the boys died, I understood. I could never imagine that happening. I'm divorced but I still wouldn't want anything to happen to Sam."

"But Bella, I could tell it was killing you. You put up a strong front, but I could tell you were drowning. We all could and we couldn't blame you. But you weathered the storm and now you're coming out on the other side. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about him."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. We will always be here and we can come visit. And who knows, maybe he has a cute friend." She winked.

"I feel selfish." I finally said, airing the darkest secret I had about the whole situation.

"You shouldn't." Angela grabbed my hand. "No one should have to go through what you went through. If anyone deserves a second chance it's you Bella."

"Thanks." I squeezed her hand back and we began to reminisce about when _we _met…

***&^%$#**


	82. Chapter 82

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 82**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

You told me that you were usually done with your season in late-September. I thought of that during the next two weeks as I packed up my things and put in my notice at the bank.

It was my second to last day and I was sitting in my office, drinking an afternoon latte. I'd worked late the night before, trying to help the staff transition. I felt bad leaving them in a lurch, but I knew in my bones that I was doing the right thing.

I just hoped you felt the same way. And I hoped I hadn't let too much time pass.

A knock at my door pulled me from my screen and I looked up expecting my assistant.

But it was you.

I'm sure my face was as shocked as yours the night I showed up in the Hamptons.

But there you were, in my doorway, a backpack slung over your shoulder and a leather jacket, gray t-shirt and jeans on your frame.

"Hi." I whispered, taking in your tanned face.

You looked tired, and nervous, two expressions I'd never seen you wear.

"So this is where you work."

I nodded, still in shock that you were there.

"I always knew you were a big deal." You teased, though your half smile gave you away.

My office looked over Michigan Avenue and was half way up one of the tallest buildings in Chicago.

But none of that mattered.

"Not really." I shrugged. "It doesn't do much for me anymore."

You stepped closer, and I stood up from my desk, bracing myself on the edge.

"What does?" You murmured.

"You…"

***&^%$#**


	83. Chapter 83

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 83**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

In the middle of my office, I couldn't get to you fast enough.

Your bag dropped to the floor and you swept me into your arms in a flash.

My lips were on yours before I could even consider the inappropriateness at my work place and that everyone could see us through the glass.

Not that I cared, I was done the next day anyhow.

I threaded my fingers through your hair as your mouth devoured mine and your touch, your _taste_, settled into my skin.

We swayed together, reacquainting ourselves with one another after our absence.

The cool leather of your jacket warmed against me until we finally had to catch our breath.

"I missed you." You said. Your hands framed my face and you closed your eyes as our foreheads met.

"I missed you too. So much." A tear crept from my eye and you brushed it away with your thumb.

"I'm so sorry for how I left." I said then. I had to get that out, you had to know that I just had to sort it all out in my head.

"It's okay, I understand. I know why you did."

I shook my head in astonishment. We shouldn't work, but we did. You just _got_ me. Your patience to my impulsiveness, your understanding to my rash acts.

I hugged you to me and squeezed like my life depended on it. Maybe it did, because somehow I knew it was truly the beginning of a new chapter.

"How did you find me?" I asked as I relished in your scent.

"You told me where you worked when we met…"

***&^%$#**


	84. Chapter 84

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 84**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

I had to finally pull away and compose myself because people were staring.

_What is our VP doing with this man? _

I wanted to shake my finger at them and tell them to go back to work. But I was so glad to see you that I just didn't care.

You looked around the room then, at the boxes lining the wall and the pictures leaning against my desk.

"Are you going somewhere?" You asked.

I nodded and looked you straight in the eye to answer. No more wavering, no more wondering if I should or could do it.

"Yes."

"Where?" You questioned, nervous but maybe a little hopeful as well.

"To run a little bank on an island off the coast of New York."

Your eyebrows shot up and you reached your hand to my waist.

"Does this island have a name?" Your thumb brushed my side as you inched closer again.

I tapped my finger against my lips, teasing you a bit. "Long Island, does that sound familiar to you. The north side is where the bank is. I hear it has great vineyards and farms and quaint towns."

"Anything else there?" Your lips were a breath away, so close I could almost taste you again. Your green irises seared me with their stare.

"Well…there's this guy that I met."

"Oh yeah?" You murmured.

"Yeah. He's charming and fun, he holds my hand and makes me laugh. He's caring and sexy. _So_ sexy. He's so much more than I could have ever expected." I said as I closed the distance to your lips again, co-workers be damned…

***&^%$#**


	85. Chapter 85

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 85**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

On our way out of my office, you told me you had a plan. You were going to hike the Appalachian Trail, but you'd somehow found yourself at the airport, buying a ticket for O'Hare.

I came with you, taking a month before I started my new job out there.

We hiked until the end of the season, along the tundra's in New Hampshire.

It was amazing, it was exhilarating and breathtaking, everything I knew it would be, especially together.

We were there maybe three days, when you were standing on the side of the trail looking at a map.

Ray Bans on your head, your hair back.

The sun caught you just right, outlining the muscles in your back.

And I couldn't hold it in anymore, couldn't believe I hadn't said it yet.

I walked up and grabbed your hand, turning you to see me, to see me only the way that you had.

"I love you." I finally said.

You dropped the map and pushed me back, your lips taking mine until we landed flat.

We laughed loudly, and kissed and kissed and kissed again.

"I love you too. I've been wanting to tell you since the day you left…"

***&^%$#**


	86. Chapter 86

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 86**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

A year later for lunch, I had some news to share.

In the midst of my trauma and my new beginnings, I'd let something lapse.

Life had a way of interjecting itself, of making the unexpected, expected.

The season had just ended for you again, and we were planning a trip to France. My job at the bank was flexible and seemed to move up and down with seasons as well.

But this was going to put a little, well a _big,_ wrinkle in our plans.

I had just turned forty a few weeks before and you'd thrown me a huge party at a yacht club on a nearby island.

Your friends had warmed up to me and were now my friends as well.

My friends from my first life even flew out to celebrate with me.

And celebrate we did.

We talked and we laughed, we drank and we danced.

And you and me, well we did a whole lot more than that.

My new life, my second chance, I was embracing it with everything I had.

And it was embracing us as only life can.

"Hi." You kissed me and sat down in your chair.

"Hi." I smiled, genuinely excited about the news that I had to share. About my little mishap that wasn't such a mishap. I'd learned to expect the unexpected.

"What's going on?" You asked quizzically, because you knew me so well.

I pulled out a little white stick and your eyes went from squinting, to knowing, to joy in a second.

"Bella…" You paused. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Congratulations Daddy."

Then you let out a "whoop" and leapt from your chair…

***&^%$#**


	87. Chapter 87

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 87**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

At the hospital nine months later, my ever-calm Wolfman, wasn't so calm then.

You had been out on the boat for the last ride of the day, on Father's Day nonetheless. I hadn't had any contractions yet and was going to be induced the following Tuesday if the baby wasn't there.

But at 4:00 my water broke and everything started to happen fast.

You raced into the hospital, your hair flying around like a wild man.

I was set up in my room already as your Mom drove me in.

We'd decided not to find out what we were having. We wanted to be surprised. We wanted to relish every moment, because I was pretty sure this would be our _only_ given my age and the chances.

You poured over every book, came to every appointment, held my hand every chance. When a wave of grief would hit me as I would compare this one to my past, you'd comfort me and tell me I didn't have to forget.

When the time came to push, you were mesmerized with the process. Torn between helping me and wanting to see, you tried to keep your calm manner, but you were beyond excited for all of it.

And when her first cry rang out and they put her on my chest, I saw _you _cry for the first time since we met…

***&^%$#**


	88. Chapter 88

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 88**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

At home a few weeks later, you were tired as could be because you wanted to help with everything, but you were still working as well.

I'd sat back to let you take the lead, to let you relish in it. Because I had done it before and I wanted you to experience that.

Still with her it was different. I cherished it too. I knew because of my age she would probably be it.

Our girl.

Our Alaina*.

A little of both of us, in name and in meaning.

All dark curly hair and green eyes.

His and hers. Yours and mine.

I was lying in bed on my side as she nursed and I dozed in and out. You must have come home early from a charter, probably ready to fall into bed as well.

Her timing wasn't great considering it was the middle of the busy season. But you said, it was only one season, there would be many more, and you didn't want to miss any of it.

I felt you before I actually felt you, but you seemed to pause before you climbed into bed.

"Thank you." You murmured and pressed your lips behind my ear.

I couldn't help but wonder why you'd just said that…

***&^%$#**

_*Alaina means precious in French_


	89. Chapter 89

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 89**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Later that night, for a quiet dinner on the patio. I was checking my phone as Alaina slept in her bassinet.

I was scrolling through as you were plating our meals, insisting that I not do much since it hadn't been long since her birth.

I got to your page and I stopped, my breath catching in my throat, and my heart nearly exploding in my chest.

There we were. Me and Alaina. My eyes closed, serene and peaceful as she fed. You could somewhat see my breast but I didn't care.

_So goddamned beautiful, my heart aches at the sight. My two precious girls, I'm so thankful to have you. _You captioned the picture.

You must have snuck it before you snuck into bed.

Yet I was suddenly struck with something else.

We weren't married, hadn't really discussed it. We'd just enjoyed being together and then found out we were pregnant not long after that.

But I wanted to be bound to you. I wanted the three of us to share in everything: in name, in spirit, in all ways that we could.

When you walked onto the patio and set our plates on the table, you glanced at me, and you could see what I was looking at.

I looked up at you with tears in my eyes. You'd always been good at showing your feelings, but this was more than that.

I set my phone down and stood up, wrapping my arms around your neck, and without thinking I asked.

"Marry me…"

***&^%$#**


	90. Chapter 90

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 90**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

A month later at the end of the dock. Your smile was wide and mine was twice that.

You in slim pants and a white shirt, me in a gauzy white dress.

Short vows, only close friends and family.

We shared a kiss next to your boat. _My _boat. And we tied ourselves together.

You were mine and I was yours in every way after that.

***&^%$#**


	91. Chapter 91

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 91**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

At Alaina's crib in the night…

In the doorway to her room…

At her preschool graduation, and each one after that.

We would whisper to each other about how she was so much like me or so much like you. How she was everything we could, and couldn't, imagine.

She was better.

She grew up to be…sensational, a mixture of us both as she was from the first day.

Long brown hair like me, curly like you, tanned skin like yours from her summers on the water and slim and balanced like me.

She was your sidekick all season long, every year. Helping you head out, steer the boat, guide the patrons in the many activities you did. She could drive as well as you any day and sometimes she did. Then after, I would come to find you and you would be on the water, wakeboarding, water skiing, tubing-anything you could think of until dusk would set in.

In the winter, she would sit in my office, helping me run numbers, asking me questions persistently. Why this? Why that? She had my temper and determination, my impatience and my passion.

We did everything together, from hiking, to skiing, to rock climbing, to running and of course yoga as well.

No matter what, we lived. We lived and we traveled and we took on life together.

She has your lust for life and need for freedom. She has my drive and determination and the need to _live_.

And I know she will be the one to help you in the days ahead….

***&^%$#**


	92. Chapter 92

**_When We Met_**

**Chapter 92**

***&^%$#**

When we met…

Last week at dinner, and I told you about the lump in my breast, I knew you were concerned, but I tried to help you get past it.

Today, when the doctor came back, you held your head in your hands.

It was bad, _really_ bad, and my heart ached for you and for her.

Even though it was me that got the diagnosis.

Because I have been there, I have_ been_ you.

38 years ago to be exact.

As I sit on the beach thinking about our life together, the years flash before me and I cherish every second.

I love you even more than I did in the beginning. Indescribably so, which is why I wanted to write you this letter.

Because you gave me this life, this perfectly imperfect and unexpected life.

I had a perfect life before. And I've had once since.

Almost 38 years in my first one, and 38 years in my second.

But you'll be okay, our girl will be with you. Right now she's away on an adventure, tracking down some story in some far off place. But she'll be back, she always is.

You'll get each other through this, you and her and our son-in-law and our grandkids. Just as you helped me do it all those years back.

They said I have the summer. And I'm going to be thankful for that.

Just as I'm so thankful for the two lives I've had.

But mostly I'm thankful for you and all that you've given me. So I hope this gives you some measure of comfort as you did for me back then.

Though I'm sure, I'll see you in the next life, I'll think of you…

Until we meet again…

Love always,

Bella

***&^%$#**

**There will be an Epilogue yet.


	93. Epilogue

**_When We Met_**

**Epilogue/Alternate Telling Edward's POV**

Quick Note:

Italics are him talking to her and his thoughts.

Standard font is him reading his letter to her.

***&^%$#**

Bella,

I read the letter, really poem, you left for me. The second one in our time together. To know how you felt, to feel what you shared. I'm compelled to do the same now as you take your last breaths.

You're in and out now, the morphine making you drowsy but helping you relax. The nurse said it could be days or hours. But I won't be leaving this chair.

I just needed you to know, how I felt in the beginning, through it all and at the end—or as I'd rather think, the next beginning.

_"You're not getting the last word this time my dear." I whisper in your ear and I see you smile sleepily as you squeeze my hand and I start in…_

When we met…

I was standing at the bar with my friends, a cliché bachelor party in Vegas. They talked me in to going, though I didn't see many of them much anymore. But I was planning to stay out West and do some hiking, do some _other_ things, and see some friends in Portland and San Fran.

We weren't dancing. We were just watching the different groups that would come in.

When it happened.

When _you _happened.

It wasn't like kismet or the parting seas or anything like that.

But I definitely noticed you and turned to my friend and said, "Goddamn."

You walked back by us and grabbed your drinks. You and your friends were talking and laughing. But I could tell even from a distance you were fun, and charismatic. Not over the top like a college co-ed, just loving life and being out with your friends.

When my friend finally came to talk to you, I knew that was my entrance, though I initially hung back.

But not you, because that's not how you were or ever have been.

You immediately teased me about my wolf shirt, and I liked that you _got _the cheeky connection. That I was being funny and dressing like Zach Galiafinakis.*

Then you called me "Wolfman" and I laughed. I loved your boldness and how much fun you were having.

We started talking and I could tell you were older, but not that much, not like a May to December type thing. You were confident and smart, witty and sexy as hell. Every guy in that place was looking at those lips of yours and those legs.

Yet,_ I _was talking to you and I felt pretty kickass.

When you told me about your family and your job, you didn't care. You weren't out looking for something; you were just out with your friends. I think you felt I was approachable and safe and maybe attractive as well.

Then I found out you liked to hike and run and you were into yoga too. For a fleeting second I wondered, "what if."

My friends wanted to leave and I was disappointed that I had to go with them. But I gave you a kiss on the cheek. Maybe I wanted you to remember me then.

*&^%$#

"Wow." My friend muttered as we left the bar and caught a cab.

"I know," I sighed as I sat back.

"How old do you think they were?" He asked and I shook my head.

Most of us were late twenties, early thirties, some starting to settle down, some not.

"I don't know. Thirty-five maybe?" I suspected.

Not that much older than us.

To me a bit enticing; you were experienced women, fun, confident, and sure of yourselves.

I'd been feeling that pull for some reason in the last year as well. I had young parents, a great family and I was starting to be ready for that. Sure I loved to travel and I was always up for an adventure.

But with the right girl. Wouldn't that be one of the factors?

"Well I scored the one's number. So maybe we can meet up with them again."

My eyebrows shot up at that and I turned my head. "Oh yeah."

"What? You interested." He ribbed me and I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest.

"The one with the legs." He said, but that made me mad.

"Bella." I stated.

"Bella huh? Oh I see how it is." He elbowed me and then left me alone until we got out of the cab.

*&^%$#

The next night my friend sought out your friend. He was into her, so I knew I'd probably see you again.

I'd heard you all giggling about my hair the night before so I'd left it down and taken time to groom my beard.

When I joined you I remember thinking, there's no way she can look better than she did.

But you did.

Damn you did.

It was more subtle that night, a cotton dress with an open back. But it showed every single curve that you had.

I noticed. It was spectacular.

But you were even more talkative and outgoing and giggly than the night before. Then you told me you'd had an edible and couldn't stop laughing.

I didn't take you for the type, but it was Vegas, it was legal, so who cares.

I'd been smoking since I was a teenager and did edibles as well. So I loved watching your reactions, and how it affected your manners.

If anything it made you more charming, even more open than you had been.

And that laugh, _your_ laugh, the way you tossed your head back. It was the thing I remembered most from our chats.

I've never talked with someone that I didn't know, as much as I did with you then.

We separated for a while, then you all joined us at the club to dance.

And _damn_ could you dance. The way you moved—natural and free—drove me crazy, as well as every other man on hand. I had never seen someone so happy, so in their element as you were then.

When the club started to wind down, we went back downstairs.

That was the thing that was so interesting about you, you could be the girl in the club, or just relaxed and talking on a bench.

We talked and my mind started to wander and wonder. What were we doing there? Were you willing to do something? I wasn't sure. So I asked.

You smiled and said no, that you were flattered, but you couldn't do that.

Strangely, I wasn't disappointed because I respected you for it.

But I told you I still wanted to walk you home. I think I just wanted more time in your presence.

When we walked home, the City was quiet for the few hours that it would be until the next day's affairs. It was uncomplicated, easy, like breathing in the air.

But I knew I probably wasn't ever going to see you again when we got to your hotel. So I asked for a kiss, because those lips, _those lips_, I just wanted one taste of them.

You contemplated it, until you brushed my lips sweetly, and smiled and turned away.

*&^%$#

The walk back to my hotel was oddly quiet for Las Vegas.

I thought of you the entire time and laughed at your text.

When I asked for a picture, I didn't want anything scandalous or bare.

Well maybe I did, I am a man after all, but I knew you wouldn't send it.

And it was perfect, it was you with no makeup, a small smile, just lying in bed.

During the days ahead it was that picture that I would pull out when I would think about "what if."

*&^%$#

I started off on the rest of my trip the next morning. Vegas had been fun, way better than I expected. But the outdoors was my playground, I couldn't wait to get at it.

Zion was amazing and Moab even better. But when I ventured up to Portland I thought of you again. You said you'd never been, but wanted to go, to see the Gorge, to go biking and backpacking. You wanted to run the amazing trails and go to the breweries and vineyards.

I thought of you as I watched the water rush through the ravine, and listened to the birds chirping around me. What were you doing right then?

Probably working at your job as a Vice President at the bank. You were the real deal, the real American dream kind of thing.

But I'd sensed in you an adventurous streak. You'd done what you were supposed to do, but you yearned to break out as well. You liked to travel and try new things. You'd told me you would have killed to go on this trip with me if you could have.

It couldn't happen, I knew that. You had a life and it was very different from the one that I led.

So I put it away in its own little compartment in my brain. And throughout the rest of my trip I'd only delve into it when something reminded me of the night we met.

*&^%$#

I was surprised how often I thought of you after that. I didn't overanalyze it, but when I would be out on the water in the early morning hours, or hiking a peak, or taking a yoga class, you would pop into my head.

I wasn't a monk, but I wasn't a playboy either. And I found myself comparing other women to you when I'd go out with them.

They were often too young, or too eager to settle down, or too immature, or not funny enough, or we didn't share any interests. They surely didn't have your legs, or your lips or your laugh.

One night, at the end of the season, the October after we met. I was out for a boat ride, just taking in the sunset.

I pulled up near a dock in a quiet part of the bay on the inside of the island. There was a boat for sale. It was an old boat and it had seen better days.

But I wanted it.

I couldn't never put a finger on why, until you walked back into my life later. But I wanted that boat, _bad_. I wanted to restore it and bring it back to its original greatness.

So I spent the winter, cleaning it and fixing it. I replaced the engine and the controls, bringing it up to date in those ways as well.

But I made it sleeker and more comfortable. I made it stunning again.

As I worked on it, I thought of you. That you were a lot like that boat in a way. Because it was older, but it was in great shape, it was fast and fun and the engine hummed when I hit it. It was beautiful on the outside but comfortable yet strong on the inside.

It took me all winter and spring and into mid-summer to complete it. And on the day I finished, I decided to name it.

I'd compartmentalized those hours we'd shared, but they clearly had an impact. So knowing the meaning of your name, I thought it was fitting and perfect. An elegant reminder of the elegant but fun person that I'd met.

I wasn't sure why I was still so drawn to you. It wasn't like we'd slept together or even _really_ kissed.

Though I'd thought about that _many_ times as well. What I would have done had that happened.

But you were taken.

You were unattainable and I would never go after you like that.

So I resigned myself to think: in another life perhaps?

Instead the boat would be you. You'd be there in my life in some way, yet I could move on with the rest.

So I finished painting your name on the side. Then I went home to get cleaned up and head out to dinner with my friends.

*&^%$#

I believe in signs, in other lives and reincarnation. We'd talked about that when we met, that neither of us was religious, but spiritual. We both thought there was some greater hand. That there was a reason people had instant and strong connections.

Which was why I was mystified that it was _that_ day when you walked into my life again.

I'd been having dinner with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper at one of our favorite pubs in Southold. We were heading to another place and I needed to use the restroom before I left.

I was walking to the back, thinking about our conversation. Rosalie had a friend that she wanted me to meet. I'd said okay, but I wasn't sure I was that interested.

You were sitting in a booth, drinking a beer and writing something by hand.

I looked at you and at first I thought my mind had to be playing tricks on me. That you were just on my mind from the boat I'd just finished.

It couldn't be you. So I kept going.

But then you looked up and our eyes met. You smiled and I did the same.

But I kept walking, thinking I was just crazy and you were somehow out of the compartment I'd put you in.

Then my steps faltered and I looked back, because I knew. I wasn't crazy and I shook my head.

You_ were_ there.

I quickly used the restroom as my mind went on a tangent.

What were you doing there?

Why were you alone?

Where was your family?

Where were your friends?

Then I was concerned that maybe you had come to find me. That I'd somehow turned your life upside down.

_No Cullen,_ I'd scolded myself, _give her more credit than that._

I slowly walked back to the booth, trying to think of what to say. But the only thing that came out was your name.

You'd looked up and smiled and said hello.

But something was different. You were still you, so beautiful, but so thin and sad.

When we'd met you were already thin, but strong and muscular still.

I sat down across from you, unsure how to broach the topic at hand. I was shaking, so I crossed my arms over my chest.

We exchanged pleasantries, looking at one another, until I had to ask.

"Are you on vacation?"

"Yeah." You said quietly, but there was something different about it. "Sort of."

"With your family?" I inquired.

It was then that I glanced at your left hand.

Your ring was gone.

I noticed. I noticed because I had stared at it over and over on the night we met.

You closed your eyes and drew a breath and I instantly knew something terrible had happened.

So I asked.

When you said they were gone, a pit formed in my stomach and I squeezed my hands. I wanted to touch you, I wanted to hug you, because even though our meeting was brief, I knew the kind of person you had been. You were vibrant and uninhibited. I was sure you were a good mother, a good wife and friend. And nothing like that should happen to anyone, but especially you and your family.

When the tear rolled down your cheek I couldn't keep away any longer. I wiped it away and something bloomed in my chest.

I was torn, because I couldn't imagine what you had been through.

Yet you were _there. _

So I went with common ground instead.

You were traveling, you took time off, I suspected to find yourself again.

But did you come to find me too? I hoped so. I wanted that to be the case.

I wasn't sure if you even knew at that point. Looking back, I don't think you really did.

Instead, I started slow. I wanted to see you, to do something with you and get to know you better. To earn your trust, and to make you laugh and smile again.

I asked you to come to yoga and you accepted.

My friends were waiting, so I had to leave. But then I looked back, giving you a small wave, before I made my exit. But it was with a flicker of hope because I knew I would be seeing you again.

*&^%$#

Patience.

I knew it was something that would help me in the days ahead. You see, I had always let life come to me. I was never in a hurry, I just didn't want to be. So patience came naturally for me unlike you and most of my friends.

But it was the hardest it had ever been for me then.

The floodgate of emotions, of knowing that there was maybe a chance, nearly knocked me off my feet the night you walked in.

I'd gone to the next bar with my friends, but I couldn't focus on a thing.

"Who was that?" They'd pestered me.

"Just a friend." I'd said.

Rosalie's friend was nice enough, but I couldn't even look at her after I'd seen you again.

So I left, stating I had to be up early for yoga anyhow and I drove home, past the B&B you were staying at. I put two and two together by the car in the driveway with the Illinois plates.

Then I lay in bed for hours thinking about what it all meant.

You had suffered something unimaginable, something terrible, and yet, you were there.

I couldn't push you, I knew that.

But I could finally admit that I wanted you as more than a friend.

You were no longer in a compartment, neat and tucked away.

You were at the forefront of my mind like a blinding white beacon pulling me in.

But I had to be patient. You were going to have setbacks. Somehow I knew that.

I'd start slow and make good on what I'd said. I'd be a friend. I would listen and let you lead the way because I was sure that was what you needed just then.

*&^%$#

When I saw you at yoga the next morning, I knew I made the right decision.

I could see that while surprised, you weren't too surprised that I was teaching the class.

I even tortured myself a bit, putting you in positions to make you move and bend. We did a lot of downward dogs, twists and dancers. I had to close my eyes a few times watching you in position. Those legs still enticed me, even covered in spandex, and then your ass...

Jesus your ass, I just wanted to put my hands all over it. Thin or not you still looked spectacular.

The other women in the class were regulars, but I'd never ventured in that direction. Most of them were married, or between husbands and I wanted no part of that.

I wanted _you_.

And I knew it when my fingers touched your thigh to help you correct a position. Though most of the time you didn't need it, you were very good in your practice. But it was the one way I could be close to you without crossing those lines in the sand.

I wasn't sure if you still had them, but I hoped you didn't.

So I asked you to breakfast, and you finally told me more about what happened.

I could feel the sadness emanating from you and I just wanted to hug you and feed you and make you smile again.

Thus I decided then and there, that's what we would start with. I would help you smile and laugh and bring out that fun-loving spirit.

*&^%$#

When you met me that night, I was strangely nervous. It was the first time we'd been truly alone together.

But you walked down the dock, all breezy sundress and bikini, and I just took you in.

Then I saw the tattoo and I had to remind myself.

Patience.

I might want you, but you were still grieving as a mother and as a widow.

Instead I focused on bringing out your smile and your laugh.

And laugh you did. You were so proud when you got up on the board for the first time. You were a natural. You were strong and balanced. You were uninhibited.

You were buoyant like the night we met.

&^%$#

We didn't kiss that night. I didn't want to press it. But the next day we went to the vineyard and all of the wine tasting and grape tasting and looking those lips.

Your lips.

They drove me crazy, they always had.

When I suggested going to the point, I have to admit I was hoping for a kiss.

But it was even better than that. I was able to finally feel you close to me, to feel you under me, to wrap my arms around you, to breathe you in.

To get my lips on those lips.

It was intoxicating.

It was the highest high I'd ever had.

*&^%$#

Then you didn't call me for two days after that.

Not even a message.

My mother was a long time therapist. She specialized in PTSD, but in her years she'd seen everything. The two of us were close, always had been.

Coincidentally, I had stopped at my parent's house the morning after our date. She knew the second I walked in that something was up because of grin on my face.

But when I told her about you, she sat me down and explained what you might be going through and to be careful with how I acted.

Not just grief, but you were the only one left. Survivor's guilt, depression, you likely had a mix of all of it.

And she told me what I knew already.

Patience. To let you take the lead.

So I did.

I could have been upset when you didn't message me, but I wasn't because I was trying hard to understand.

Then I saw you on the beach two days later, and I knew I had been right about my assessment. You were in pain, you were trying to reconcile me with your past.

After I held you on the beach, I started to figure out what you needed.

And I wanted to be part of that. _I_ wanted to provide what you needed.

But I also let you know that I was _in_ it.

I asked you questions, prodding you along, but also indicating where I stood as well.

Would you get married again?

Were you staying or going back?

Would this ever progress beyond a kiss?

Then you basically told me to kiss you at the orchard and I knew I was on the right track. You wanted me as much as I wanted you then.

So I took a leap and decided to show you the boat.

_Your_ boat.

Though it might have been too soon, I think you needed to know how I felt. That I wasn't playing around or looking at you as a fling. That I respected how difficult this all was for you and I wanted to be _your_ person, the one you leaned into.

And I'm so glad I did.

If I could pinpoint, one moment, one night that was a tipping point, it was then.

Then the next day when I showed you my house, our eventual home, everything changed.

I'd shown you my photos and led you to my bedroom. I hadn't intended it to go there, but I was sure glad it did.

When you dropped your bikini bottoms and told me to join you in the shower, I nearly lost my breath. There you were before me, bare and self-assured, like the night we met. You were back; the you I knew and have known since.

My mouth watered as I watched you walk into the bathroom. And though I paused for a moment, it took me less than a minute to strip out of my clothes and cross my bedroom to get to you.

Your passion, your openness, how you just let me in. It was almost too much to handle in the shower and in my bed. It was like I'd let a lion out of its cage that had been trapped and kept in.

I've always felt that way, through the years, that's something that's never left. I knew I'd awakened that part of you again. Maybe it's inner caveman or outdated, but I was proud of that.

Not that I think you'd mind if I said it.

Over those next days we fell into a habit. I'd wake up with you in the morning, sometimes yoga, sometimes instead we would "shower" together.

Then you'd go about your day, tooling around the island, taking in all of the sights and finds that it had. On my days off I would join you and show you around as I knew it, take you places off the tourist map.

But at night, at night it was different. Dinner often got derailed on the counter, on the table, on the floor or ended up in my bed.

Not that _I_ minded at all.

Because I had fallen for you and there was no going back.

There was one night in particular, before the night we went dancing. When I wanted to tell you so badly how I felt.

We were out on the roof deck, the sound of the waves could be heard crashing against the sand. From that third story, we could see and hear everything, but no one else was aware. It was one of my favorite additions to the house and I know yours as well.

We were looking at the stars, sharing a bottle of wine and reminiscing.

When suddenly we were kissing and then it turned to more than that.

As it always did in those early days together.

Your body beckoned to me. From that first time and every time, God you drove me wild, you always have.

The feel of your lips on me, of your skin on my skin. The feel of you under my fingertips as I stripped away your sundress. How you would tip your head back and sigh when my lips met your neck.

I'd stripped out of my shorts and shirt and you climbed over me, straddling me as I sat on the rattan.

Then you'd wrapped your arms and legs around me as we connected.

Slowly, painfully slow, you rocked against me. But it was perfect because I could put my hands everywhere—and I did.

I gripped your hips and leaned you back. My lips sucking you, tasting you as I squeezed your hips and moved you against me until the ends of your hair hit my legs.

You enveloped me, my senses were on fire at every end. We both kept trying to prolong it, but we couldn't because it was so, _so_ good, that we finally gave out to the need to move faster. The need to fly over the edge.

_"I remember that night." You hum, that little cheeky grin on your face as your fingers rub the back of my hand. _

_But I continue, needing to focus on my place, because see you _still_ do it to me even with where you're at…_

I wanted to tell you that I had never felt the way about anyone that I felt about you, but I thought you weren't ready for that.

I would dream of that night later, wishing I had said it. Remembering the way you looked, the way you smelled, the way you _felt_.

Because I had never been more attracted to anyone before and surely not since. I wanted to touch you, I wanted to taste you, I wanted to feel you every spare moment that I had.

And I still do, I always have.

I know you always worried about being older than me, and I made light of it back then. What you never knew was what other people said—it wasn't what you thought. They didn't give it a second glance. When we went to dinner and dancing, everyone was captivated by your presence. You were you, your old self again. Effortless.

Instead, they told me how lucky I was, how beautiful you were and how wonderful we were together.

And I agreed with them on that as well. You always walked into a room and lit it up. You wouldn't notice, but eyes would follow you, and not just men but women as well. You made an impression, just as you did on the night we met.

*&^%$#

But I couldn't ignore that the time was coming, back then, when you would have to make a decision. Unfortunately, Rosalie pushed you in that direction. And as you tended to do, you reacted.

It always baffled me how quickly it went from so good to so bad.

That night after we had dinner with my friends, I was jumbled up and you were jumbled up as well. Something had shifted and neither of us could pretend. You couldn't give me answers and I was disappointed with that.

I didn't know you left, but somehow I felt it. And when I woke up in the morning I wasn't surprised to find your letter.

Edward,

I'm writing this as you're lying in bed sound asleep. For the last year, I wished I could sleep like you, peaceful and dreamless. In these last weeks, I have been closer to getting there. I know that's because of you. You've brought me back. You've made me feel alive and emboldened, desired and confident again. I haven't thought about the future in a long time, or that I even had possibilities and chances.

But you've made that happen.

Yet, I have a life in Chicago; that I need to figure out what to do with. And you have needs too. No matter what has happened to me, I don't want you to forget that. I don't know if I can get married again, I don't know if I can have kids. But I want to know those things for you, because I know that you want them.

I just need some time, to think and reflect. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind, but not in a bad way. In the most magnificent way, in ways better than I could have ever imagined. I want you to do the same, to think about what you really want and need. Because if we do this, I want to be in it together. I want to put us first, not just my needs.

No matter what happens, thank you. Thank you for everything you've done. For understanding me, for bringing me back, for being you and for our time together. I'm sorry about leaving like this, but I didn't want to have some impending doom over us for the next week. And I didn't want to have a long drawn out good-bye when I feel inside that this isn't it.

Instead, I'll be thinking of you until I see you again.

Bella

_"You still have it." You say suddenly. Your eyes are more open this time, not so drowsy, but looking right at me as you always have._

_"I still have it." _

_"Lay with me." _

_"But the nurses—" _

_"I don't care. I want your arms around me when…" _

_I nod, swallowing and trying to make the knot that's formed in my chest go away. Though I know I can't. Instead I climb in and hold your frail body next to mine and continue to read what I've penned._

I've kept it all these years as reminder of what might _not_ have been. Of the need to take a leap, to live in the present, to take a chance.

At first I was mad, angry that you had run away from the best thing that had ever happened. Then I called Rosalie and yelled at her.

"How could you do that? Do you have any idea what she's been through?" I said.

"Edward. I'm just trying to protect you. I've known you since we were in diapers and I want you to be happy."

"I don't care Rose, I love her. I _was_ happy."

"Did you say that?"

_Damnit. _

I hated to admit it, but she was right. I'd put myself out there a lot, but I hadn't said that, even though I had been thinking it frequently by the time you left.

I knew it wasn't Rosalie's fault, she was just trying to protect me. For as tough as she could be, she was my most loyal friend. She knew what I wanted. She even knew about the boat as well, and because of that she'd questioned your appearance.

It was never that she didn't like you, which you learned later, the two of you became great friends. But she didn't want you to get hurt and she was afraid you would hurt me, even if it was unintentional.

After a couple weeks passed and I hadn't heard from you, I tried to move out of my gloom and regret.

I went to my parents for brunch one Sunday and my mother sat me down on the patio out back. My parents had been traveling so she didn't know you had left.

"What happened?"

"She went back to Chicago? She said she needs time to work it all out in her head."

"Remember what I told you. It's a lot to reconcile, to work through, and you both fell so hard and so fast."

She was right.

The fall had been instantaneous and easy, like when I'd gone bungee jumping in San Fran.

Weightless and exhilarating.

But I wasn't sure if I would snap back.

But my mother put her hand on my hand and said, "Just be patient."

"I have been. It's been two weeks."

"That's not much time in the scheme of things. It takes a lot to completely undo one life and start the next. Give her time. She'll come back."

"You've never even met her." I said puzzled at her analysis.

"I don't have to. I can see the look on your face. I can see it in how you act."

Later, once you came back. Your relationship with my mother was more than I could have asked for. You embraced one another in a way I never could have expected.

She helped you in ways that I never could. Dealing with the grief, dealing with the anger and frustration.

You see, before I was even born, my parents had lost a child, a sister. I wasn't even alive yet when it happened. She was stillborn. Her cord wrapped around her neck. So my mother knew some of what you went through and the two of you connected.

*&^%$#

A month later, the season had ended. It had been the longest month of my life, still not hearing from you, still not knowing how you felt.

I had told you I was going to hike the end of the Appalachian Trail with the little bit of season that was left. I was set to leave for New Hampshire but my patience had worn thin.

That last month, I'd done what you asked, I'd thought every day long and hard about what you said.

Could I give up some of what I wanted? What about marriage and kids and if you didn't want that?

As I was packing for my hike, I looked at my dresser. Your letter sat there and I instantly knew the answer.

My home had felt empty after you left. Though our time together was brief, it was life-changing and I wanted it back.

I wanted you back.

Because I realized, no one else would ever measure up to what we had.

And maybe I should have been angrier at you. Some of my friends would say that. But in retrospect, it was three weeks of your life. How could I expect that? That you would know answers to those things, completely uproot yourself and come back.

So when I got in my Jeep, I didn't drive to the train station to head for the trail. Instead, I found myself in line at LaGuardia, buying a ticket for O'Hare.

The plane ride was excruciating. The cab downtown even harder.

When I walked into your office, I had a moment of doubt that maybe we didn't fit together? Maybe this wouldn't work?

But when I saw you sitting in your chair, I knew, I _knew_ I was right to be there.

You looked beautiful as always, professional in a way I had never seen you. With your hair down and over your shoulder, heels and a fitted dress.

I realized you could wear anything and looked just as good as the day we met.

When you glanced at the doorway, I sucked in a breath. I was nervous. What if you had changed your mind? What if you felt differently than you had then?

But I knew the second you stood up, that you hadn't.

It was me. It was you.

After you kissed me in your office, not giving a damn about the stares, you asked "what next?"

"New Hampshire?" I questioned.

"Absolutely." You said.

*&^%$#

The next year was nothing short of perfect. Hiking the trail, you said you loved me and I was finally able to return it then and since.

Because I did, I loved you so much and still do. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it.

We traveled again in the spring, to Italy and Greece, places neither of us had ever been. Your job at the bank provided comfort but flexibility as well. I knew you needed that, you needed to have stability but be able to take off on a whim as well.

We hadn't broached the topic of kids or marriage again. We were just enjoying being together. But I knew a decision would have to be made soon, given your age and any timeline we might have.

But as you said, life has a funny way of making decisions for you sometimes, and it did it for us then.

When you told me you were pregnant, I almost couldn't believe it. The joy on my face was surely apparent. When I looked at your face and realized you were just as excited, I was even more elated.

We talked a lot during and after, that she would probably be it, be our only, and I was okay with that.

Then she came.

Alaina.

Our Alaina.

God she's the greatest gift you've ever given me. When I look at her, at the woman she has become, so strong and independent. I know that was your hand, your traits, your wisdom. You say she's like me, but she's so much you as well. Strong and caring, stubborn and passionate. But she lives life to the fullest just as you always have. And she's instilling that in her boys, in her two namesakes after yours. Seth and Garrett will forever carry that link to your past.

When you asked me to marry you, it completed our family. You see I was patient, but that was one thing I really wanted to be your decision.

Still, the day you became mine, in the final way that mattered, I have never been so grateful for how life can unexpectedly happen.

We've had our challenges too. No one is perfect, certainly not me, and not you either. You would have bouts of depression where you withdrew to that dark place. My patience did me well then, knowing that I just had to wait for you to come back. And you always did.

Me, I would get my plans of grandeur wanting to_ go_ when we really couldn't.

But we found balance and compromise, we always found a way past it.

Through it all I admired your strength and compassion. And when life threw us the most unexpected, you embraced it and looked at it as a true second chance.

So my dearest, dearest Bella. I can't help but be thankful as well, as I sit here reading you _my_ version of our life together. As you penned so eloquently for me those months back.

_I look up and take you in. A sleepy smile graces on your face and I feel the squeeze of your hand._

_"I just want you to know. I need you to know how much I treasure this perfectly imperfect life we've had together."_

_I lean over and kiss you one final time on those lips, the ones I dreamt about in our time apart and I'm sure I'll dream about until my new beginning._

_"I love you," you mouth, so tired, so ready._

_"I love you Bella. Sleep my love. I will see you again."_

***&^%$#**

**~The End~**

**Author's Note: **

I have so much to say about this story and yet there's no way I can express it in a few paragraphs. So I'll try to keep it brief. This was cathartic in a way for me. I've been touched by some of the issues in this story lately and I think I needed the outlet for it. So thank you for coming along for that ride with me, the ups and downs and twists and turns it presented. I cried as I wrote it, I know many of you did as you read it. I hope it was still enjoyable, it was still a love story after all.

Thank you for your reviews and feedback. I truly value them. I do want to answer a few questions. Edward is still the love of her life, even though in the early chapters she called her husband that, but it was her reflecting on it _then_. Whereas the whole story is about her and Edward. I purposefully wrote it that way so that she never even said his name. It was only Alice who actually referred to it.

Also, if you didn't notice, the entire thing was written like a poem (as Edward states at the beginning of his letter). If you go back and read it in its entirety, I think you'll pick up on the cadence if you haven't already.

Until next time, I have some other things in mind, so I hope to see you all soon.

~AMJ


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